VO2 max

With a catchy title like that, who wouldnt want to read on, right? Today I had my pre-SWAT school physical. I can tell you that I had heard from the other guys who had already been to medical that the treadmill stress test was horrifying, so I was really curious to see what was up. It was all pretty routine at the beginning of my check up, blood draw, pee in a cup, discuss family medical history, blah blah blah. The sight test says I need glasses but I will pass, the hearing test says I have difficulty hearing one certain tone (I am guessing its the same tone my ex-husband's voice imodulates at) but I can hear fine. The doctor did all sorts of wierd tests and asked all sorts of questions. He didnt find it as funny as I did of course when he asked when my last eye exam was and I told him it was about 5 minutes ago in the other room. All of this fun and adventure was leading up to the treadmill. It looks like a normal treadmill. Or maybe a treadmill who got hit by a truck and was hooked up to life support with many wires and tubes. First things first, you must get all the sticky pads on your chest so they can monitor you. So there I stand for five minutes holding up my shirt while a pleasant girl is putting stickers on me and clipping wires to them. Thank god I was wearing a nicer sports bra. This of course isn't the only indignity. They then put head gear on you and clamp it down to your forehead. They have to clamp it down tight so it doesnt bounce around on your head when you run. The large tube is then handed over and you get to shove it in your mouth and make sure your lips cover it up. There are also squishy bite things on the tube and you cant swallow. So the picture is bleak and slobbery. I laughed but mostly spittle just flew out everywhere and a gutteral grunt grunt grunt was slightly audible. Then the treadmill starts and you walk. Seconds later, they raise the incline and speed. Speed it up again, higher again. Its hilarious. And painful. More slobber is dribbling down my chin and I am dying and feel like I am being forced to climb a mountain. To stop the torture they say just tap out. Well I am no quitter but I did eventually tap. It was difficult, I didnt realize I should train on hills for this test. I suggested they should make a new VO2 max test that was flat for us Indiana folks. No mountains here. (It was fun and dumb at the same time though!!!)