Cookbook mania

My niece has been diagnosed with cieliac (no idea how to spell it) disease, which means she cant eat flour and some other things. She is only four, so you try to tell a four year old she cant have cookies! After searching the web, I found the site for elana's pantry....a week later, I bought the cookbook and ordered the ingredients....cant wait to try it out! My sister could use the cookbook too....

Crossfit Women

Yay crossfit women! I am tired of being the only female trainer at my affiliate and always feeling like I am coming in "last" and having the lightest weights to throw around. Glad I found this blog to read and inspire me!! Its especially helpful because my best friend dumped me and blamed crossfit. She said it "changed me" and made me into something I am not. For the life of me, I dont see it. :( It still hurts and makes me sad, so I am glad I found this blog. Maybe one day I will be a firebreather like the ladies on the site.

Crossfit level one cert

Its been a long while since I have had time to blog, but in short, my time has been wisely spent becoming a crossfit level one certified trainer. The certification was two days and painful but awesome!!!!

The disgusting truth about paleo....

Okay, I am 11 days into my 30 day paleo challenge.

I have been strictly following the rules, no dairy, no wheat, no sugar, etc.

I have lost 5 lbs. I haven't been hungry. My body feels as good and strong as ever.

Now, on to the dark side the paleo folks dont want you to know about. First and foremost, there is something you arent allowed to eat everywhere and tempation is stupid. Its so bad I am actually having dreams about pastries and baked goods finding their sweet way into my mouth. Needless to say, I have made it this far and want to remain sceintific about it and open, so I am always releived when I wake up and I didnt really cheat. Second **warning** this may be considered TMI, so you might not want to read on....but....Paleo makes you poo. A lot. For the first three days I was pooing at least three times a day. And it wasnt like I had to struggle to go or that it wasnt a good amount, because it WAS. I asked my crossfit coach if this was normal (after getting up the guts to go up to a man and ask him if my bowels were functioning correctly or if I got into some bad almond butter) and he assured me it was my body cleansing out all the bad things I had put into it prior to this challenge. I also had my body fat percentage taken and it was at 22 percent. I know, thats normal, but it still seems pretty high to me, especially considering the level of exercise and the kinds of food I am eating. Will I stay paleo forever? At this moment, I have to say, no. I am guessing at some point with the media and just general saturation of breads and sugars, there is no way I will have enough willpower to refrain forever. 19 days left in the challenge.

*workout of the day-one pull up, first minute, two pullups second minute, three pullups third minute and so on to as many as you can get in that full minute. I made it to eight minutes completed with NO assistance, no underhanded grips, no bands, and no jumping. I am a super hero! Ha ha.

Whats been going on....

I havent blogged in a while, I have been way busy but I will just type up this quick post before I go to work to make note of what has been going on.

I still havent been able to "clean" 95 lbs on the weight bar. I make it up to 85 no problem, but have some sort of psychological disorder that wont let me drop my ass under the two 25 lb bumper plates. Dammit. I know I am strong enough because at the point of frustration yesterday, I THREW the barbell across the gym in a big green monster fit of rage. Not probably one of my best moments, but lucky for me I didnt take anyone out with it. My workouts have not gotten any easier, I havent really gotten any faster or stronger, I am kind of at an impasse. I am tired of feeling like everyone besides me is fast and strong and getting better. I need to keep better records about my workouts so I can tell that I really am improving, but I just cant see it. Kind of like when you loose weight, you dont really see it but someone else can.

I have also started a new Paleo diet. I really dont like "dieting" and think its stupid and a waste of time since I will almost definitely not cut out sugar or chocolate from my life for eternity, but it is for a reason. I have decided to take it upon myself to do the crossfit paleo challenge to see if my workouts and strength improve in 30 days. I am now at the beginning of day six of no grains, no sugar, no dairy, no peanuts, no beans....lots of lean meat, seeds, nuts, fruits, and veg. Why do I keep having dreams that I have cheated? In reality, I have been very good for eating only whats allowed for the last six days, water to drink, etc. Every time I go to sleep, however, I dream of downing a cookie or mashed potatoes. Its really odd. However, I am always truly relieved I didnt cheat once I wake up....if I am going to do this for 30 days, I really want to do it right and be all "scientific"....well as much as I can be.

I have been working about 7 days a week, sometimes I get the afternoon off of which I spend cleaning the house and washing the laundry because my husband and children have some sort of disease which makes them blind to messes. It must be a horrible handicap to have. I am really wishing I could have a true day off to spend by a pool or somewhere doing nothing where no one needs anything washed or wants me to cook food. (especially food that is not allowed on this new diet!!!)

I also have a new family member to contend with.....we are fostering a 3 month old kitten. She somehow got up into the engine block of one of my police recruits cars and had her little arm broken in four places and some broken ribs and other various scratches and boo boos. They were going to put her down, but she is just a baby!!! So some super wonderful vets that love animals fixed her up with surgery and meds and she came to stay at my house in her little cage on total rest. She has been with us for a week and will probably never leave. Millie and Smokey my other two cats have decided they hate her and hiss at her and spit and ignore her, but she is pretty insistant on their attention. I hope eventually the three of them will get along well enough where the little one doesnt dive under the recliner every time she sees Millie or Smokey hisses at her. My youngest son has been calling her Molly, and we have decided to name her Molly Moo. She is all black and tiny as can be but a super lovable kitty. What a traumatic way to start her life but I hope she lives the life of riley from now on.

I also have heard SWAT school is coming....not until next fall. So far away. Maybe it will be far away enough for me to forget how awful it is, kind of like childbirth.

Before and after photos

They have been taking photos at work of "before" and "after" crossfit folks... of course they havent actually taken the after shots because the incumbent program is still on-going. I think they have just completed their third week of crossfitting three times a week in the six week program, so its about time for a mid way photo right? I am considering having a before picture taken, with the flabby belly and giant ass... of course since I am not really a true "before" I would hate to not see any progress at all and get discouraged after all the pain and torture and super fun crossfit I am doing. Of course I tease the guys and tell them "I have always been an after, you cant take my before".

I heard also today that the before and after photos you see some places are totally doctored up. Duh. What I didnt realize was they sometimes take the before and after photos the same day without any photoshop.... Apparently who ever is getting the photo is supposed to slouch and look unhappy while letting their flab hang out and basically take a totally unflattering photo. The next photo is the same person smiling and standing straight up and looking thinner and happier. Maybe I will just walk around with my shoulders back and smiling and never have to work out again. Ha ha ha.

Maybe I will just get brave and post a picture of my most hated body part... to "out" my tummy on the world wide web. Maybe if it admits that it has a problem (ice cream) it can learn to change.... (Cue sappy music and my belly button telling the world how it used to be flabby and a slave to the sugar gods until seeing itself posted online it hit rock bottom and decided sugar free was the way to be). Yeah, maybe I have lost my mind a little, but its still kinda funny to me.

Workouts and work

Todays WOD was 30 muscle ups for time, or if you cant do muscle ups, 120 pull ups/120 dips for time. Needless to say, I still am muscle up challenged so it was pull ups and dips for me. I finished in 18:10 and did my first two rounds of 10 pull ups without bands. I also graduated from the green stretchy band to the blue one. (What that means is it gives assistance, but not as much!). All in all, it was a pretty good workout day. Of course there I sat fretting when I would get the ever elusive muscle up, but I gave up on that too soon because it was wearing me out even to worry about it.

My stomach muscles are still fried out from five rounds of 30 GHD situps and 25 back extensions from Wednesday and it was a definite struggle to get started today but I survived.

Thursday we did hanging power cleans and I got super shitty I struggled with 95 lbs, but at least I was able to heave 90 lbs. Not too horrible for a girl who is 5'3" and 125. I am trying to at least get to body weight, slow progress but at least I am making some.

I am exhausted from working every day of the week without break but again, what can I do about it? Complaining isnt getting me anywhere, although somewhat cathartic.

I have also been looking at crossfit tee shirts, and there are really some funny zingers out there. I personally want to get one of the tank tops that say "I do pullups" or force my children to wear the shirt that says "My mommy can lift more than your daddy".... There are some really cool ones out there. Tomorrow is an off day, I may go for a little run but other than that, I plan on resting and getting my mojo back.

Maybe one day I will get a vacation and go somewhere nice. Heck, even a vacation somewhere not so nice would be okay. Is it wrong that I actually think going to my moms house would be better than working 7 days a week? Nah, maybe not. Ha.

Crossfit games

Is there any other form of exercise in the world that is viewed as a "sport"? Will you ever see the world wide pilates games? I am in awe watching the videos over and over again and hoping some day to be as awesome as these people. Of course, I realize that out of all the crossfitters in the world, these are the elite, but its still a goal right?

I was watching closely, watching technique and weights, etc. Is it kind of like the kid who plays little league baseball watching the big league? Maybe.

WOD yesterday, max weight thrusters 85 lbs. I tried three times and failed at 95. Bah. Next time. Then we ran two miles with the recruits. It was hot and slow going, but it did feel good to get a little sweaty. Today is an official crossfit rest day, but I think I will work on my kipping pull ups and box jumps.

I am also thinking for the level one cert I will get a pair of shorts that say "bootie by crossfit" on the back. I see a lot of shirts that say body by crossfit and thought this one would be funny. Of course then my shirt would have to say "belly by dunkin donuts" or something, but whatever.

Oh no, what have I done???

I have signed up for a crossfit level one certification. I think I might have lost my mind. All of the pictures on the website and video footage show super buffed out guys and gals with no body fat wearing spandex and shirts that say cool things like "body by crossfit". I am still unable to understand or complete a kipping pull up and I certainly dont wear spandex for my workout, unless it is underneath my shorts to conceal any undie shots during working out. I am wondering if they will make me cry and wear sweat pants and a black sweatshirt with powdered sugar from a donut smeared across the logo stating "body by cross-fat".

Now my fears of public scrutiny and humiliation are out there in blog land. Of course, the information I received after I signed up says I dont have to be in super good shape, but I am encouraged to join in the workouts, etc. Whimper, whimper, I am frightened.

Oh yes, also I have found a workout that was probably the most awful horrible workout I have ever encountered and I fear speaking its name will just bring it back (yeah a whole lord voldemort reference).... its EVA... Oh man, this one is such a horrible butt kicker. It took me almost an hour to complete, 58 minutes. Of course all the posted times to the website are in the 30 minute range, so that really helps the self confidence. Not. Sigh, I wish I knew some other 40 something girl who was not in spectacular shape who was going to this and had the same worries as me. Bah. I love myself for who I am, and if they cant take it, crossfit can cross-cram it up their fit butts!!!!

WOD and who knew rowers were so complex

So for todays super fun crossfit website workout of the day it was supposed to be run for 800 meters, one arm deadlift and one arm thrusters, run for another 800 meters, other arm deadlift and other arm thrusters, repeat until you have completed 4 rounds total. Since my stupid foot has been bothering me, I decided to row again today. What was I thinking?

I rowed yesterday in lieu of running and it really didnt feel bad on my foot, but really was tougher than I thought it would be. Today I am doing this workout with three other guys (most of whom I am ashamed to say I thought I was in better shape than) and we all started off at the same time rowing madly. I started falling behind early and in total finished a minute to two after all of the guys finished. Seriously! I was so mad at myself, how could I fall so far back? I am in good shape for gods sake, one of the other guys I was working out with must be about 100 lbs of straight flab and fat and never works out! I started thinking maybe two days in a row (ha ha, no pun intended) of this exercise did me in. The sour mood and feelings of weakness and failure continued through out the shower and clean up and back into my office to sit down and try to work. Then I did something that should have been done before the workout. I checked the website about "rowers". Originally I wanted to see what the rower to running ratio should be, so I can be sure I am getting the same amount of cardio I would from running. Well then, lo and behold did you know you are supposed to set the damper at a setting based on your body weight? Yeah, me neither. All four of us had the damper set at 5. My weight says it should be set at 2 to 3. The big 250 plus guys should be set at 6-7. Seriously? So did I just do more work than them and almost caught up to them? Next time I will research the equipment and the exercise a little more thoroughly before I subject myself to the torture. For this time, in my mind I just totally kicked their butts. Ha ha.

Today's WOD

Today crossfit decided I need to lift more heavy things in new and exciting ways. We did 5 thrusters (the prescribed weight was 95 lbs, I used the bar at 45) 7 hanging power cleans, and 10 sumo deadlift high pulls; as many rounds of each as you can in 20 minutes. Well, the thrusters involve a nice deep squat with the bar racked on your shoulders and then pressed forcefully overhead. Man, what a butt burner. The hanging power cleans were okay, just cleaning the bar from thigh to racked position and back down. Honestly, I probably could have used more weight. This was my very first sumo deadlift high pull. It kind of sounds like you have to heave an oversized Japanese wrestler around, but you dont. Its a very close grip on the bar, a nice wide (thus sumo) stance and a quick high pull straight up with elbows high and back to a nice low sumo squat. I made it through 5 complete rounds and 1 almost round, making it to the 2nd sumo deadlift high pull before time was called. I thought I did pretty good as I layed on the cold wonderful gym floor until I noticed the guys (lifting 95 lbs) had done more rounds than me. Dang it. Next time, boys. You better watch it.

A new "disappointed in my gender" rant.

I am so tired of hearing how strong I am "for a girl" and how fit I am "for a girl" and on and on. You can sure lift a lot of weight for a girl. Seriously, why not just say I can lift a lot of weight for my body weight or my size? The more I am getting these moronic compliments, the madder I get. Then I realized I am the one and only female signed up for the crossfit instructor cert on our department and the only one currently attending the crossfit workouts. This distresses me a little. Seriously, if we want to break the idea that we are weak helpless females and need a big strong man to open the fucking pickle jar for us, we need to unite in the fact that we are ALL strong and ALL fit in our own way! We need to forget about what everyone else thinks and get to the gym or whatever makes us tick. I hear about how great it is that I am the first girl ever on our 2000 sworn officer department to make it to the SWAT school (insert the oooh isnt that great here) and I can only now think about the fact that it shouldnt be that way. I know many super cool strong chicks on my department who would rock it out and do even better than I did and better than some of the guys in the school too. I am the only female instructor on our department to be a certified defensive tactics instructor. Again, none of the girls want to fight or get sweaty and learn this? I cant believe it. I fail to believe I am that different, why are these ladies not coming forward???? I am disappointed. I am still girly and can kick your butt too. Dont all girls want that or am I a freak of nature? Sigh.

Come on girls, show the world we are strong and proud!!!!

So today's workout of the day consisted of front squat reps of 3-3-3-3-3 at your max weight. I have never done a max weight rep and had no idea what it was. Well it was 85 lbs. I am way impressed with my 85 lbs however all the boys are doing 185 and that sucks. I know they all say, oh well you are a girl, blah blah. I am tired of hearing that excuse. It might be true and all that, but I am still sick of it. At some point I will be stronger than I am now and maybe will be impressed with myself without putting stipulations on how happy I allow me to be.

The relay for life was good on Saturday, I really underestimated the pain of walking for so long and my foot is still hurting, but it was for a good cause. There were pictures taken of me in shorts and I was afraid to look at them for fear of looking flabby, but I was surprised I looked pretty fit. Why cant I see that in the mirror when I look? Am I that programmed by the media or am I just insane to think that fit and healthy is fat and flabby? So dumb.

What's this? An EASY crossfit WOD???

Today was 10 reps of hanging power snatches. I have never done a power snatch. Sincerely, I thought that was only a word for a nasty gross girl part and was slightly put off by it. The hardest part of this workout was actually getting the form right. It takes a lot of coordination and balance, both of which I sincerely lack. I started with just the bar (45 lbs) and that was way too easy. After I added two 10 lb weights, it wasnt so easy and the slight errors in my form were readily apparent. Although my shoulders are worn out and I am certain tomorrow I will be unable to shrug, it wasnt a barfing gagging dying on the ground workout. Sweet. Good to know crossfit gives us options. Of course, tomorrow could be hell.

W.O.D. "Nasty Girls"

So I did the workout of the day aptly named Nasty Girls. It was awful. But awesome. I could not hoist the prescribed 135 lb weight, so I weenied it down to 65 lbs. (I figure thats over 1/2 my body weight, so its okay, not stellar but okay.) The workout also called for doing "muscle ups" which I am still at a loss to achieve... the substitution is 3 pull ups and 3 dips = one muscle up. Here is the prescribed workout:

3 rounds for time of:

50 squats
7 muscle ups
135 lb hang cleans

This is my substitution:

3 rounds for time of:

50 squats
21 bar dips
21 pull ups
65 lb hang cleans

It was tough tough tough, lemme tell you. My time for the three rounds was just at 20 minutes flat. That is not a good time, it is slow and I wish I was able to do the exercises just as they do without having to substitute. One day, crossfit. One day I will do the WOD as prescribed and be up to par with the times posted to your site. Mwah-ha-ha-ha ha.

Doctors results

So my stubborn and independent streak has gone all kinds of wrong. At what was supposed to be my last doctors appointment before a complete release and freedom from any further doctors care for a broken foot....well lets say it didnt turn out that way. After the doctor was done squishing and squashing my foot around to every angle and wiggling my big toe, he happened to notice my wince of pain. Still not healed yet. Dammit all. Oh yes, and I get to wear a sweet metal plate inside my shoe and a brace when sleeping. A metal brace inside my running shoe. I am wondering what kind of crack this doctor is smoking to make me wear such a thing first off, and second I am worried about what it is going to do to my running stride. Am I really going to have to go run on the machine again to make sure this new device doesnt make me pronate and buy some new shoes? Sigh. Usually I am all Imelda Marcos about shoes, but this time around it seems like just a big doofy inconvenience. I shouldnt complain, he is still letting me run. Oh yes, and I have also been cleared for Saturday's festivities.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?pg=entry&fr_id=14353

Don't be afraid, click the link!!! (Team Pan Can Indy!!!)

Goals I hope to reach

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TRC/RelayForLife/RFLFY09GL?pg=peditor&fr_id=14353&px=11857907

Tomorrow is supposed to be my last doctor visit for the broken foot/toe. It still gives me grief when running or jumping and I hope he has good news about it, because I have some things planned!! If you werent brave enough to click on the link, then just know that I have signed up for a 24 hour walk/run relay for life to benefit cancer research. It really sounds like it will be a fun event, even though a bit tiring. I wanted originally to sign up for the team in training that the american cancer society has, you know running marathons and such, but I was too intimidated. I wonder, if I am intimidated (I mean seriously, I am in pretty good shape) what kind of super athletes do they have signing up? Maybe I can get to know some folks and get more comfortable and some more information on the team. I am also looking into donating my long hair to locks for love, but I have been told they wont take it if its been dyed. Well, I am all for a good cause, but no way will I be able to go a year without washing away the gray!!

I have talked to the SWAT commander, and it looks like the process will start again next fall. Now I have a new *distant* goal (blargh!) but I need to find a closer one. I am hoping the working out with my girlfriend will help keep me motivated and inspired to push myself to my own limits again. I am also seriously considering repelling for the fun of it. I dont know if thats how you spell it, but its basically scaling down the sides of tall things with small ropes. I am afraid of heights and this might help me get over that. So, the breakdown is this; super short term goal, relay for life this Saturday. Sort of short term goal, 10 pull ups and 60 push ups. Next goal, a full marathon this November. Of course at any other time in there, throw in the fact I really really want to get a muscle up and keep up with my crossfitting until I am as cool and strong as the chicks on the website.

My best friend should be a dietician

I am currently in the process of attempting to make my best girlfriend addicted to crossfit. As long as I can keep her interested and not super duper sore, maybe she will come along with me and love cross-fitting.

She has done three crossfit workouts now and I hope she keeps it up. Of course, today she asked when she will be seeing some results... that worries me a little. I realize that the younger generation are the instant gratification generation, but after just three days? Really? I told her she really needs to re-examine her diet as well if she wants some quick results and she said she has been trying to eat healthy. We went to dinner tonite where she got a chicken salad sandwich on a croissant and a sweet tea. Not exactly what I meant by healthy, I really have to find a way to convince her that processed food is the devil and just because it says "salad" in the title it doesnt make it healthy. Also, organic doesnt equal diet or low cal. Sigh. I wish I had my own diet under control, it would make it a lot easier to harp on her. I have considered going to a dietician, but how on earth do you pick one of those? I have personally seen obese dieticians and those who eat french fries and bad for you foods. I realize that they are just weak people like myself deep down with the desires to become all consumed with cherry garcia ice cream, but I guess I expect more. I mean, seriously, people expect me as a cop to practice what I preach right? You dont see me out robbing places or breaking the law... well maybe the occaisional speeding but other than that, I dont even park in the no parking zones! Maybe I should just keep doing what I am doing and suffer with the lapses in judgement at the deliciousness of some bad for me foods.

Confessions of a Crossfit geek.

I have to confess I have a total girl crush on Nicole Carroll from crossfit.

Okay, maybe I really just want to be as strong and fit as she is, but that doesnt stop me from watching all of the videos on the crossfit website and imagining me doing the WOD with her and us being super BFF's talking about Zone nutrition and how spandex really does look good on us super athletes. I am a total crossfit goober. If crossfit was a high school I would be the A.V. cart pusher nerd and the crossfit instructors would be the cheerleaders and football stars, but it doesn't stop me from dreaming!

I think I'll go downstairs and try to practice some handstand pushups now.

Black eyed peas and kettle bells

I love the new song by the black eyed peas and have added it to my working out collection. It also is quite appropriate because the name is "boom boom pow" and thats what it sounds like when I am throwing kettle bells and bumper plates to the ground during my workouts. Besides, it has an awesome tempo and makes me wanna shake my stuff. I will have to try it while running to see if it will fit my stride, but for right now, its perfect for crossfit!

I got to play with the rings today. I remember the rings from the playground at school, they were always fun to swing away and laugh like the monkey bars, only mobile. I thought, hey, how bad could this workout possibly be? It has RINGS in it for pitys sake. I didn't have my usual pre-crossfit combat anxiety going on or anything before this workout. Next time they bring the rings out, however, I will probably cower away and pee down my leg. Okay, maybe not that bad, but I definitely dont remember the rings being instruments of exquisite torture. It started with "ring" push ups. The innocent looking rings dangled mere inches from the soft grass, nothing scary there. That is until you try to stabilize the rings and your arms and do some push ups. The first few attempts were ugly, but I got the painful hang of it. (ha ha, get it, I said "hang" of it!) Then I got to practice ring dips. Now, I have to tell you I hate dips. I suck really hardcore at regular dips anyway, my flabby bat-wings dont like to cooperate. The rings were so happy looking dangling there about to shoulder height, so I gave it a shot. I maybe got one half way sort of dip before flopping back to the ground. I practiced a few more times trying to stabilize it. My arms were shaking worse than when a new born giraffe wobbles trying to walk for the first time. All that practice and I didnt even attempt a "muscle up". I cant even explain what kind of athlete you must be to be able to do this exercise, seriously. You should look it up on youtube. Very impressive. Now the workout of the day (at my own foolish request of "no foot work") was 21-15-9 reps of ring push ups, sit ups, and ring dips. After the 21 ring push ups and literally falling on the grass face first a few times, the 21 sit ups seemed like a rest. The dips were a serious joke. I tried to dip away, but alas, I could only seem to dangle precariously with my arms straight out and trembling. The last round of nine had to be practically comedic when I was attempting the dips and was pretty much jumping and flailing in the air. I am beginning to think its not a good workout unless you look like a total fool at some point.

My arms are so weak feeling and odd now, its hard to type....and there was no way I could braid my locks. Crossfit is the invention of the devil. Of course it may be easier if I was more consistent and didnt binge eat for a few weeks because I felt sorry for myself. Sigh, now I must work harder to carry around the extra flab until it finally goes away.

Blargh on my human weakness!!!! Now I read on Cranky Fitness diet soda is the devil too!!!!

"Murph"

I did a full Murph. My time wasn't anything of a land speed record or even anything that exciting to publish on any kind of crossfitting workout website. But its good enough for me to be proud of and put on my own blog!!!

Murph consists of this:

Run one mile
100 pull ups
200 push ups
300 air squats
Run one mile

My time was one hour 14 minutes. Not too bad on a gimpy foot. I have to tell you, at certain points during the workout I really wasnt sure if I was going to make it, let alone survive. I pushed on though, and I am so glad I did. I waited all night last night for the super sore pain to start ravaging my body and was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to walk this morning. I hurt, yes, but no worse than a regular work out. Then I thought, huh, maybe I didn't push myself hard enough. So I jumped into the way back time machine in my head back to the agonizing hour plus workout. No, I could not have pushed myself any harder than I did. What's really funny is the last mile after the air squats, I really couldnt feel my legs. It was the oddest most wobbly experience of my life. I think I know what its like to be a newborn colt now. Ha!

I am proud I made it through. Of course the real life Murph that this workout is named after used to do said workout with a tac-vest on in Iraq, but thats just one reason he's a hero with a workout named after him.

I have also decided since I have no idea when the next SWAT posting will be (probably a year! bah!) I need to find another closer shorter term goal to reach for. I dont do well without some form of motivation or deadline. Putting on my thinking cap and trying to figure that one out.

More complaining

I ran a mile yesterday. Thats as far as I could run without searing stupid foot pain. I want it to feel better, and even if it hurts, I really want to be able to run on it anyway. If the doctor would just tell me I can run on it even if it hurts and it wont make it any worse, I totally would. Of course just before I had my neck surgery, the doc had told me I couldnt make the disc damage any worse so I could continue doing whatever I wanted to do....kind of not true considering I needed surgery eventually.

I really need to stop complaining, but then what would I write about? The fact that my hair needs to be colored again or my birthday is coming up? Nah, thats not nearly as interesting or fun to write about. Its much better for me to complain about the fact that everything from the waist down seems to jiggle a little and I am squeezing into my pants.

Pushing onward!! Going to attempt a "murph" workout tonite... well maybe a baby murph because it might be a little much for me to have as my 2nd crossfit back from injury.... but we will see I'm kind of stubborn.

The return of the workout

I am happy to report I am no longer forced to wear the walking cast any longer. I was "released" by the doctor on Tuesday. Of course, he said he wanted me to wear a horrible hard soled shoe thing that is completely grotesque. When he asked if I would wear it, I said no way. He then commended my honesty and told me to take it easy for two weeks or so and only wear work boots or sneakers. Of course, doctor, whatever you say! (Realistically all I heard was no more boot, do what you want!) I still havent taken the foot out for a good run, I am a little bit nervous about it. I did some warm up laps around the gym Thursday before my awful "Cindy" crossfit workout and a few times it felt kind of bad on the foot, so I am actually *for once* taking the doctors advice and starting slow. I have to go back next month for a final x-ray and check up to make sure everything is still healing and good, but for now I am happy to wear shoes instead of shoe.

The "Cindy" workout, by the way, although horrible and painful was gratifying. Of course, still today I feel the pain in my quads and lats. Aaah, its so good to be working out again. I was beginning to get used to the whole not having soreness....it was freaking me out!

I dont know when the next time a SWAT posting will be, I have heard it will be over a year. At least that gives me time to train. I want to be totally buffed out and strong like the crossfit girls I see on the crossfit.com website, so I better start working hard now. Slow painful progression to massive awesomeness, here I come!

Working out

Oh wow, I cant wait to get released to do lower body/cardio/running again. My arms are so very sore, my lats are rebelling, and my shoulders are huge whiners! When all you can work on is your upper body, though, you sure get creative. The first two days I had no vision, boring old one legged push ups and pull ups with some super fun scissor kicks thrown in. Then I got wise and went to my crossfit friend and demanded a crossfit cripple workout. No problem he says! My only condition was no pull ups or push ups. (Again, with the no problem!!!) So I did push presses with weights and dips...21-15-9....no rest. Well, I say no rest, but in all actuality, there was probably some gasping and resting going on in between sets. The key is that you arent supposed to rest. I did my best. He said, oh, you got done way too fast next time higher weight!

I have visions of giant muscles in my upper body making me look like Magda the Eastern European weightlifting champion with the questionable estrogen and mustache....

Back to the working out....sort of

I decided enough self pity and whining, today was the day I would try to get back into a working out routine. Oddly enough, my schedule is so wacked out that nothing in it is routine, but I will be doing a daily workout of some kind anyway. Or at least whatever my schedule will allow. Since I am still wearing the stupid (yeah I hate it) walking cast, it obviously included no running or jumping or good cardio, but I have to make due. I did four sets of push ups, then pull ups, then scissor kicks. It started out with 25-4-25, and made its way sadly down to the last set of 10-1-10. Of course I did them with no rests in between and made my own mini crossfit workout. I have been so depressed and pouty that none of my friends want to hang around with me, so something had to be done. I really miss running. A lot. But then one of my friends sent me a link from crossfit: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fi8.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa6%2Fwaveman1978%2FXfitWoundedWarriors2.jpg&h=8398e57a7f1e03625757eeb7fa88521a

I feel humbled and in awe and will definitely not be whining any longer. I will just adjust and find a way to be healthy and strong until my foot is better!!! Gotta love the friends for keeping things in perspective.

Braggy Bragger-pants

Here it goes... I won an award yesterday. An honest to goodness award! I am the 2009 IMPD Administrative Officer of the Year! When I heard I had been nominated, actually, I was embarassed because I am really just self absorbed enough to not think anyone is paying attention except me! Ha! I got my picture taken with the Cheif of Police and the Mayor and got to be on TV on my crutches accepting the plaque. (Which had to be carried off stage by my BFF) I was also surprised to see a check attached....who knew a monetary prize! They read some paper that had been written up about me, and honest I dont know what it really said, but part of it was the fact I was the first female ever to pass the SWAT physical agility and go to SWAT school. It would have been way way cooler if I hadnt broken my foot and was the first female ever to be on the SWAT team, but this was okay too. Its still some kind of history right? And I totally still plan on being the first female member of Metro SWAT....

What a tragedy

Allright, to all who were watching and reading anxiously awaiting news about SWAT school....
I went. I saw. I kicked some butt. I broke my foot.

The first five days are to see who has the guts and stamina to hang on. Lots of running, painful exercise, obstacles to climb, sand to belly crawl through, guns to shoot, and all of it in cold Indiana weather. The wind never seemed to stop blowing directly in my face. I was cold, wet, dirty, and segregated from the 12 other guys going through with me. After the first day I was so sore and could barely eat anything, and when I ate, I threw it up. Its a wonder I didnt get dehydraded, but thankful for the camelback my boss gave me I always had water to drink. I checked my phone when I came in around 9 pm to my empty barracks and I had a message from my son telling me good luck, he missed me, and wondered what I was doing. I got scattered cell phone service and only intermittently got text messages. I layed in my bunk and wondered if I really could do it physically since I was already in so much pain. We got a surprise wake up call around one a.m. to hustle over to the classroom and put our guns together blindfolded after they were piled in front of us on the table. We had 45 seconds. Of course all the yelling and comments didnt help much but we fumbled through. Then we went back to bed and had class at 0700 on coffee making and trash taking out. Tuesday was more of the same with high obstacles to climb and confidence courses to master. I had the most spectacular fall from some apparatus appropriately named "the dirty name" which managed to knock the wind out of me and crack a few ribs. Nothing can be done for broken ribs anyway, so I went on. After Wednesday I was certain I had entered a new level of Hell accidentally and was being tortured. Thursday we were up at 4 a.m. and dropped in the middle of the woods in the dark with a map and compass and told to find several markers. After slogging around in the woods and realizing everyone was hurting and tired and hungry and cold just like me, I accepted my hell and even grew to love the horrible challenge and accept the pain. Then when we reached our objective and went to the road it happened. I slipped. My foot slipped on some wet leaves and I heard a distinct pop. I tried to ignore it and got into the van. Then as soon as we got back to the classroom, it was time to get our guns and run to the range. I couldnt even walk it hurt so bad and I could feel a popping with every step. I went to the SWAT medics to ask if they could just wrap it up, but they refused saying it would just cause more damage. I told them I refused to give my DOR and I wasnt quitting. They then packed my crap and drove me to the emergency room in Indianapolis where I was diagnosed with Turf toe, cracked ribs, and a fractured foot. I only had one day left. Friday was the last day of hell week and the next week is mostly learning and classroom. I couldnt even talk about it yesterday I was so bitterly disappointed. I suffered through the hardest torture my body has ever been through and bonded with a group of guys I would give my life for, and it was all taken away because of one small mistep. It looks like I have to start this whole SWAT process over.

After shedding some tears about it, and wondering why me, I have concluded they havent seen the last of me. I will make it on the SWAT team. Next year when they have another process, I will be stronger, faster, and smarter than they can even believe.

Another thing that has come out of this is that the Medic and Lt. told me on the way to the ER that I had definitely opened some eyes and gained respect for how far I had gone. (We started out with 13 going to camp, 4 guys quit before they made me leave.)

Its tragic, but I will carry on and keep trying. I guess if you look at it like this, I will still have something to blog about. Ha ha. I will try to post some pictures of me at SWAT school on my blog in the next week or so. Thanks to all for the luck and support.

Exercise and sleeping pills

After spending two agonizing nights at my moms house sleeping on what used to pass for a mattress, you would think that I would sleep like a baby upon coming home yesterday. But, alas, not me. I tossed and turned and flipped and flopped around for hours thinking of the work that I should have done that day in the office, the mess and laundry that had piled up in my absence (way to go boys, great job cleaning up after yourselves), and the fact that I couldnt sleep on my mind. The harder I tried to relax, the worse it was. Now thats a thought right? Should I really have to try really hard to relax? Isnt that defeating the purpose? I knew I had to be up and out of the house early, 6 am. Around midnight I gave up and got out of bed. I had a dull headache working now, a product of the stress and three and a half hour drive from Chicago. When I went to find some ibuprophen, I also discovered we had sleeping pills. Now, I am not a fan of taking sleeping pills. As a matter of fact, they usually just make me exhausted and still unable to sleep, wallowing around in a goofy haze. I decided to take a hint from the movie "Sleepless in Seattle" and only take a half of one. At one in the morning. (Am I the reason for those lengthy disclaimors that tell you not to attempt this at home???) Yeah, thats so not the best time for a sleeping pill unless you are planning on snoozing till noon! Then its off to bed! When the alarm unexpectedly went off what seemed like mere moments later, I sincerely overslept for about 30 minutes. I spent the next 10 minutes scrambling like mad looking for my gym clothes, work clothes, gym bag, shoes, keys, and of course my sanity. The entire morning was spent longing for a pillow and blanket. I tried to think of any excuse in the world why I should get to sleep and it would be allowed. I was so groggy and tired at the gym I was sincerely fantasizing about laying on the nasty MRSA filled mats and sawing logs. Just five minutes. Then I thought, well maybe I can lay down on the chair in the locker room and nap. Even after the workout and run (which were nearly impossible to motivate myself for) I was still tired and looking for an out. I have so much stupid office work to take care of, power points and tests and papers, oh my! There is no way I can just go home "sick" today. Dammit all. Even now as I scarf down my Zone lunch and vitamins I am still dreaming ever so slightly of leaving and napping. Of course I am now convinced since I have made it this far, I may as well stay the next three or so hours and just finish the day. I would like to think when I get home I can flop happily on the soft bed and drift away into slumber....but alas, reality says the kids will be hungry and have no clean clothes to wear tomorrow....and hubby dear is fishing. I guess this is good practice for the sleep deprevation portion of SWAT school. (I can barely wait to get a rifle in my hands under this fog of sleep deprivation.)

Donughts

I want donughts. Its been years since I have felt comfortable holding a deep fried sugar filled pastry up to my lips.... (stereotype cop donut eater gets to me).

Life is so unfair!! Seriously, is there any other occupation where you arent "allowed" to eat a certain type of food? And if you do you totally get made fun of???

New Awesome Recipe

I learned a new recipe today I would like to share. Its a most delicious recipe for suffering and exhaustion. First, gather the ingredients you will need.... at least 400 meters of nice flat running surface, a heavy weight (or anything you can hold over your head), and a nice pull up bar. The next thing you want to do is to run 800 meters (2 does of the 400) as fast as you can. Then, take the heavy object and hoist it over your head and happily hold it high while doing walking lunges...only 50! After the thighs are starting to turn to jello, go ahead and drop to the sweet earth and push it! 40 push ups! Yay! At this point in the recipe, you need to roll over to your backside (makes for a nice even coating of pain) and complete 30 sit ups. Enough resting on your butt, run run run over to the pull up bar. Add in 20 pull ups and about a liter of sweat. The second half of the recipe calls for 400 meters (no resting here, the dough doesnt need to rise!!) another 50 lunges, 40 push ups, 30 sit ups, and 20 more pull ups. The last thing to do is another 800 meters and ta-da!! Collapse into a dripping sweaty mess on the ground. Perfect recipe...if you are a sadist.

This is probably the toughest crossfit workout I have done to date. Of course, I havent done Murph or G.I. Jane yet...and they are supposed to suck. I guess I am looking forward to it...

Who am I kidding? Its like an awesome accomplishment every time I finish one workout. I love it!!!

VO2 max

With a catchy title like that, who wouldnt want to read on, right? Today I had my pre-SWAT school physical. I can tell you that I had heard from the other guys who had already been to medical that the treadmill stress test was horrifying, so I was really curious to see what was up. It was all pretty routine at the beginning of my check up, blood draw, pee in a cup, discuss family medical history, blah blah blah. The sight test says I need glasses but I will pass, the hearing test says I have difficulty hearing one certain tone (I am guessing its the same tone my ex-husband's voice imodulates at) but I can hear fine. The doctor did all sorts of wierd tests and asked all sorts of questions. He didnt find it as funny as I did of course when he asked when my last eye exam was and I told him it was about 5 minutes ago in the other room. All of this fun and adventure was leading up to the treadmill. It looks like a normal treadmill. Or maybe a treadmill who got hit by a truck and was hooked up to life support with many wires and tubes. First things first, you must get all the sticky pads on your chest so they can monitor you. So there I stand for five minutes holding up my shirt while a pleasant girl is putting stickers on me and clipping wires to them. Thank god I was wearing a nicer sports bra. This of course isn't the only indignity. They then put head gear on you and clamp it down to your forehead. They have to clamp it down tight so it doesnt bounce around on your head when you run. The large tube is then handed over and you get to shove it in your mouth and make sure your lips cover it up. There are also squishy bite things on the tube and you cant swallow. So the picture is bleak and slobbery. I laughed but mostly spittle just flew out everywhere and a gutteral grunt grunt grunt was slightly audible. Then the treadmill starts and you walk. Seconds later, they raise the incline and speed. Speed it up again, higher again. Its hilarious. And painful. More slobber is dribbling down my chin and I am dying and feel like I am being forced to climb a mountain. To stop the torture they say just tap out. Well I am no quitter but I did eventually tap. It was difficult, I didnt realize I should train on hills for this test. I suggested they should make a new VO2 max test that was flat for us Indiana folks. No mountains here. (It was fun and dumb at the same time though!!!)

New shoes

I want to know why buying a new pair of running shoes is so inspiring... Am I really that much of a shoe diva where thats all it really takes to motivate me??

The answer is yes.

Awesome looking and feeling orange and white Asics. I just wish the weather would warm up and catch up to my mood!!!

They better just call me Forrest today.

Getting stronger or not?

Yesterdays workout...It was "sort of" a crossfit workout. We did 30 clean and jerks (sounds dirty, but its really just painful and involves a barbell) and then did 10 wall ball burpees. I hate burpees. I thought that there was really no exercise worse in my mind than a burpee, but I was wrong. Wall ball burpees involve a nice rubber medicine ball you can fling around the gym. A regular burpee is hellish enough: you drop, you push up, you kick your knees under you, and wham!! jump as high as you can and clap. The dumbest part is the clap. The clap itself seems so stupid after you can barely get your butt up out of the squatting position in the first place. I actually think the clap is to mock you or to attempt to make you think you are having fun (yay! clapping!) but it doesn't work. Now the wall ball burpee is the same general movement, but when you throw yourself down on the floor, you now do your push up with both hands on the medicine ball, when you bring your feet up under you, you then "clean" the medicine ball and hoist it as high and hard as you can on the wall, catching it when it comes down (preferrably not with your face, thats bad) and then pressing it one last time over head and throwing it violently to the ground. Note the part I said dont catch the ball with your face right? Well also, when you fling the ball to the gym floor, even though its a medicine ball, they still have a tendency to bounce toward your face.... yeah, maybe I caught one in the chin, maybe I didnt....

Maybe this round of exercise was easy for some, but if it was, they probably should have heaved more than just the 45 lb barbell over their heads and thrown more than a 12 lb medicine ball! For those warriors heaving 115 lbs and 30 lbs of medicine ball in the sky, you rock and one day I will be like you. I found it challenging but not the usual butt kicking laying on the ground gasping I usually get from crossfit. It was as if the lead instructor read my mind. I thought the workout was over, then came tabata squats. Only three minutes 50 seconds! If you are now wondering, what is a tabata squat, try typing it into you tube...I think I am still too traumatized to even begin to explain! Granted, the first time we ever did this "just a four minute workout" I seriously was walking like a zipper neck frankenstein from the soreness and this time, I am just a little sore. Does this mean I didnt push hard enough or that I am getting stronger? I hope it means I am getting stronger.

Tomorrows scheduled workout we are doing is "Helen" from the crossfit world. I am going to try to grab a heavier kettle bell than I usually do and see how far I can push myself. (Note to self, this may only last one round of "Helen" or it might never make it off the blog page!) We are supposed to have some guests working out with us tomorrow too, and that always pushes me harder because I have a tendency to show off. (What a goober I am!!)

Today wasnt a crossfit day, it was the usually gym stuff, sets of push ups, sets of pull ups, sets of scissor kicks, and the endless run. Okay, three miles isnt endless, but my legs were tired! Ha! Isn't it funny that I look more forward to the crossfit workouts but they are much harder on my body? Aaaah, exercise. If you don't develop anxiety before the workout about the workout, is it really pushing you hard enough? Good times.

Autobiography

I wonder when I get rich and famous (never) or just for some reason the story of my life gets written, what will my story be? Everyone has things that happen in their life that are exciting or miserable or simply just affect them deeply, but are they even remotely interesting to other people? What I mean is this, the things I found interesting and super important in high school are vastly different now. I couldnt tell you which high school basketball team was doing well now, who the most popular kid in school is, or which kids wear the newest and best fashions. All of these things were important to me, but then again so were my baby dolls and blankie back in the day.

As I was doing laundry today (while supremely impressed by the online tip to get rid of the foul stinky armpit smell stuck in my underarmor) I was wondering if my biography was written what the percentage of it would be doing chores. I mean, I generally do house chores every weekend. I clean and scrub and wash every weekend, the dirt regenerates during the week and it starts all over again. Would there be a chapter for going to the grocery store? I spend a lot of time there seeing how my boys descend on food like locusts, so certainly that amount of time deserves at least a chapter. And if thats the case, then laundry gets a few chapters. Everyone I know of has no time for anything, they have to make time to work out, make time for their loved ones, make time for dinner, blah blah I could go on. Maybe life would be better if I could afford a maid. But of course, even if I had a maid, I wouldnt want them to have to wash my nasty gym clothes. Gross. And then who gets the satisfaction after its done?

Maybe at some point my children and husband will realize there isnt a housecleaning fairy that magically picks up their skivvies and scrubs down the toilets. I have tried to go on strike before, but the men in my life are oblivious to the grossness of the house and it just ends up being me cleaning up a huge mess instead of a minor sludge spill.

Now I have found the title to my biography.... Confessions of a cleaning fairy. Ha ha ha, wow if the guys at work could only read that one right? Super tough SWAT broad has to clean up her own house, cook food for the family, and is in charge of all of the "girly" things around the house by herself. Its so ridiculous!

WOW

I'm going to SWAT school!!! I passed my interview and written tests!!! Am I really excited about boot camp style thrashing and running with gas mask on all over the place? Do I really feel this happy about waking up at 0100 in the morning to go for a "midnight run" because the SWAT commanders feel like it? You better believe it!!! I am PSYCHED!!! Now I just have to get into even better shape before the school in April!!!

Yay!!!!

Still waiting

The results should be in by tomorrow to see how I did on the interview and testing yesterday. I am so hype and happy to this point, and of course a little nervous. Allright, thats lies, all lies. I am a lot nervous. Nothing little about it. I just have to keep staying the course, keep up my physical training. Read up on tactical training. Oh yes, I also get to hone my range skills. Is it wrong that I am the most excited about maybe actually getting my very own M-16? (Thats definately not one for the regular gal's "wish list".)

Also, I can see there is some hope with the endless male testosterone blather about me being a girl. I still get joked about and poked fun at, of course. But, I was actually told by a team member that he was really happy for me and that he and some of the other guys were "hype" and excited I was going out for the team. That made me smile so huge he probably saw molars. Of course, I did get asked if during the interview, I just walked in and put down my EEOC complaint paperwork and said I would sue if they didnt pick me because I was a girl, and my answer? Well of course! Is there something wrong with that? (I love sarcasm.)

I also made a huge hit at the gym today.... after a super fun round of "fight gone bad" crossfit, which is kettle bells, jump boxes, shoulder presses, wall ball with medicine balls, and most happily burpees for three rounds, I was again in my new favorite post exercise position, flat on my back. While gasping, sweating, and low crawling across the floor toward the water fountain, I was able to belt out a loud "Im ready for SWAT school!!!!". It was hilarious!

Oh the interview!

This morning I had my formal interview with the SWAT guys. I think the interview was mostly a once over to check all the applicants out to see if we measure up... I was so nervous before I actually went into the interview board I was shaking! I kept saying, you arent nervous, take a deep breath, remember to talk slowly, look em straight in the eye... Once the first question came out I felt like a gerbil on crack!!! I was hoping what I said actually came out sounding somewhat like english and not some sort of garbled cantonese!!! Especially since I dont speak cantonese!!! After that brutality I could breathe a little and did the memory test and the written test, those didnt have nearly the pressure as the interview board, but I still hope I did well.

I can hardly believe that at this point, if I managed to pass this part of it, I am definately going to SWAT school in April. I am reserving the full force happy dance freak out until I hear later this week how I did, but inside I am already doing a little happy jiggle. (Or maybe thats just the zone diet working its magic on my blubber!!!)

I havent broken the glass ceiling at this point, but I am definately fogging it up with my breath!!!

The good, bad, and ugly

"Crossfit" or as my favorite blogger Crabby said, "functional fitness" may be the best thing ever invented or thought up. Then again, it may be the devil. I have been doing these exercises twice a week in addition to traditional workouts for a little while now...three weeks I guess? I am not sure, my concept of exercise and time is bad. (Probably because while you are exercising it seems to affect the time/space continuum because it lasts FOREVER!)

The best thing about crossfitting? Its awesome when you are done and laying on the floor gasping for air and feeling like you should up chuck to feel better, totally covered in sweat. I know, that sounds totally sick right? After working out though, you really know you worked out. Maybe its just me, but I feel better when I am a little sore after a good hard workout. Its also awesome that a large variety of these workouts take 20 minutes or less to complete. Results you ask? Well I am not certain, but I feel stronger. My arms are definately more muscle-y (is that a word?) and defined. I may get to my giant buffness someday after all! Another good thing? Variety. I definately cant complain about getting bored like treadmill running and endless push ups and sit ups every single day.

The bad thing? You need equipment. Pull up bars and kettle bells and medicine balls. Sometimes the workout includes weights too, and most "paying" gyms frown upon throwing their weights around. I am super fortunate in the fact that where I work has a complete weight room and cardio room (Though not the newest stuff, but who cares!) and also a lot of other stuff like jump boxes and stretchy bands. The other bad thing? You really need to do these workouts with someone, because usually there needs to be a time keeper (a timer with alarm works too though) or at least someone suffering with you to motivate you to keep going.

Today I have a horrible cold, PMS, bloating, and a bad attitude but I still wanted to go do my crossfit workout. I did "Cindy". If you dont know what that is, check it out on youtube or on the crossfit.com site. Tomorrow, its a regular exercise day, more like a recovery day with a nice easy 3 to 4 mile run, and Sunday is heavenly off day. Of course, Monday brings the Zone diet into play as well, so I will have something else to focus on.

Between all of this working out and trying to be healthy, I am also studying for the written SWAT exam and interview on the 18th of this month. As long as I dont come across as a total psycho, I should do well. (I can be pretty charming!!! Ha!!)

So there you are, my post has the good (crossfit), the bad (crossfit)....wait the ugly? Oh yeah, that was just me doing crossfit with a cold and snotty face!!!!)

What did Scarlett O'Hara say? Tomorrow is another day!

Hey remember that post from yesterday about the body fat calipers and how I thought I should start the zone early? That can be totally scratched. I was trying to be good last nite, but eventually caved to the "chocolate stampede" from Longhorn. My son only turns 16 once, right? All the sad and pathetic excuses I can possibly come up with are all a mere farce... I should have refrained and didnt. Food obviously still has the upper hand, but I will eventually win. (Worried now about slipping into an e.d., but strangely not worried enough to be able to change the thought process of food being the enemy!)

I am still starting the zone diet Monday. Of course after reading up on it and seeing some meal plans, I have started my unmeasured attempts at eating zone style. (except for the unfortunate chocolate incident). The basic point is (I think) to eat 40 percent protien, 30 percent carb, and 30 percent fat with each meal. Now a cheeseburger you would think would be a perfect food right? Wrong!! They actually mean good fats and good lean protiens. Bah. I keep looking at the pictures of Nicole Carroll from Crossfit Journal and her plunge into the zone. I so want abs like that and muscles like that...I want to be ripped!!!!

It all comes down to this, what do I want more, muscles and kicken abs or that piece of cake?
We shall see...oh yeah food, its on.

Stupid body fat calculators

Wow what a mistake I made this morning. I was feeling kind of tired, blah, just having one of those low mood days. I felt a horrible cranky mood coming on last nite and have been trying to shake it off. So, this morning before my workout, I was so smart and decided to have my body fat calipered. Yeah. Feeling so good about myself and how strong I am, and that whoo hoo, I am the only girl going out for swat, all down the toilet.

If I can do 50 push ups and 5 dead hang pull ups, why is there still excess fat on my deltiod???
I totally expected the belly blubber, and it didnt disappoint. My thigh even had fat on it. Seriously, all of this working out and healthy eating and I am still 26 percent body fat? Yeah, the body fat calculator said I am 97 lbs of lean and 32 lbs of lard!!!! Of course we measured the caliper way and then did an expirement with the tape measure and I still always came in 24-26 percent. Thats crap. I havent had unhealthy food for ages, and its not even helping.

This info sure wasnt inspiring during the workout today. I slugged along feeling fat and sloppy and ran slow and painfully into every wall there was during the workout.

I may have to start this zone thing early. Either that or start practicing "whale calls" so I can go to the ocean and communicate with my family.

The Zone

Okay, I hate diets. Well, thats not really fair because I really havent ever been on a "real" diet plan, I always have tailored them to the way I thought in my mind they should be. I am pretty fit and exercise pretty hardcore at least 5 days a week, so I don't need a regular "diet to loose weight". I would, however like a nutrition plan or diet plan of some kind I can follow to really increase my athletic performance. After a grueling crossfit workout called "three buckets of puke" (of which I never puked, but thought I really could if provoked) I was happy to whine to anyone within ear shot about the whole diet situation. I should have kept my mouth shut.

Of course I was introduced to the "zone" diet plan for athletes. It seems like a lot of measuring and prepping, the meals are small but you eat a lot of times during the day. Oh yes, the part that really sold me was the 1/4 cup of ice cream you can have as one of your carbs. Are you kidding me? One (of the many) hard parts is figuring out how many blocks a day I get. It has different body types and I have to guess which one I am. I really have no idea about body image or any of that, so I am clueless. I want to say small female, but there is also medium and large female and then female athlete (also described as well muscled female). What does that mean? I mean, yeah I have some muscles. Im pretty buff. Of course, I also have girl squishy parts and have more of a 2 liter than a six pack....so what the??? Of course most people quit after a few weeks, because its hard to follow. At this point, though, I am willing to sacrifice to get stronger and leaner. I have been promised outstanding strength and performance!!!!

We shall see. I am starting monday. (Its gonna take the weekend to go shopping for the scale and food!) If this in any way hinders my workout regime though, I am so dumping it!

The wizard of oz

I got up this morning and felt pretty good, a little sore but not too bad.

Until I started to walk.

The only phrase I could mutter was "oil can" like the tin man when he was frozen solid. For some reason me wobbling around the house half asleep and un-bendy was funny, but this made it the most hilarious thing ever. I am glad my pain can make my family happy in the mornings, seeing how we arent morning people and the coffee pot broke yesterday.

So todays workout I am going to take a tip from crossfit and give it a name...today shall be "Dorothy". Lets see if I can loosen up to be as limber as the scarecrow...

Super vent!

I really need to vent. I dont consider myself a full fledged non-shaving, birkenstock wearing, man hating rabid follower of Gloria Steinem (although several of these apply at various stages in my life) but I am disgusted!

First of all, wanted or unwanted, I carry the burden now of being the only female attempting to be on SWAT. Okay, whatever. I can deal right? So I get the occaisional dumb ass comment about why on earth a woman would want to do something like that, and I just have to fire back with "well, why on earth would a man want to?" I'm sure they are pretty close to the same reason.

I realize females as a population are not males and we definately have our distinct differences. But that doesnt make us the "weaker" sex. Think about it. If it was up to men to have babies and be in that much labor pain for endless hours, the species would cease to exist. Women also have a better ability to multi task, we can do a hundred things at once and get them all done. Maybe there are men who can do this too, but most men focus on one thing and thats pretty much all their attention can take. Lets not forget I have yet to meet a man who can bleed for a week straight without dying! So men are the stronger sex they say....maybe physically. If they were that bad ass the simple sight of a box of Tampax wouldnt send them running.

This all being said, I was getting my mindless entertainment flipping channels from the basketball game to American Idol. They had a contestant who auditioned in a bikini. She was very pretty, awesome leggy figure. She pouted and smiled and batted her eyes. She could sing too, but really not that well. To my surprise, she went on to Hollywood! Whatever, right? No way could she do the entire show in a bathing suit. Well she was on there again last night, fully clothed. She still pouted and flirted and her singing was actually better....at first. Then it sounded whiny and nasal but they let her stay. The girls recognized the bad tone and said so, but the guys thought she was great. I thought to myself, its a stunt of some kind for the television show, to keep it interesting, until my husband piped up saying he thought she sounded great. After counting to ten and breathing deeply, I couldnt believe it. Are all men in the universe deaf or were they really so shallow that a pretty face and hot body was all that was really needed in their eyes? Have we come so far as a group fighting for equal rights and to be treated as human beings just to make it okay for girls to act dim witted and ditsy because they are cute and can get away with it? Are you kidding me? Then I started thinking about the beer commercials and Hooters girls....the many many strip clubs.... Seriously, ladies, are we really sabotaging ourselves here? On the one hand we scream "treat me equally!!! " and the other hand if we want something we "use" our feminine virtues to get it? Treat me the same but still treat me like a girl?

Am I wasting my voice saying over and over again during the SWAT process; think of me as another cop, not as a woman? If I pass, I want it to be because I made it through the exact same way everyone else did. Period. Is it futile? And is it me that has the problem recognizing that I am different or is it just the male of the species who is shallow and cant get over it? The real process has just begun and already I am hearing complaints about having to change things around because of a woman trying to be on the team. I have also heard the under the breath mumblings about how a woman will never be on "my" team. Well you chauvenist pig, I don't want to be on "your" team, I want to be on the team that recognizes me for my hard work and effort and not that recognizes I have tits.

Whew, thats a lot of hate I just spewed and I am sure its not as bad as that right? I just really wish I knew of another woman, just one, who made it through this type of training. I saw that LAPD had a female applicant, but she washed out. It would be nice to talk to someone who could give me advice.

I DID IT!!!!

Short little post....but very meaningful to me.....

I passed the SWAT PFT. I am the only girl to have ever passed it and I'm going to SWAT school. I cant wait!!!!!

I am so happy!!! SCORE ONE FOR THE GIRLS!!!!!

(Now is it wrong if I totally rub it in to the guys who failed that they got beat by a girl??? HA!)

Is it really that time???

Okay so "D" day has nearly arrived. Tomorrow morning I shall slog my way to the academy through 6-8 inches of snow to test myself physically and mentally. (Of course, snow amounts are greatly exaggerated if the weather predictor was a man....seriously, think about it, have you ever met a man who really knew what 6-8 inches really looked like???? HA!)

I am trying to keep up with the busy work today, cleaning re-arranging things that have already been filed and re-filed hundreds of times. I have to keep reminding myself I can do this. I am strong and I am ready. Get behind me self doubt!!!! Trying to meditate, to use visualization techniques....seeing myself passing the test and being successful. I think I do well to have a goal, but I hope I havent "out-goaled" myself.

Lets take a trip back in time to just see how far I have really managed to come.

The first SWAT PFT was in September. I wasn't ready. I didn't have one pull up and I was slow on the sprinting and stairs. I struggled with the push ups and sit ups, and mostly didnt pass. I remember my goal on my daily workout was just to try to reach minimum SWAT entry standards. I was disappointed but determined when I heard they were having another assessment in January. But....this is perhaps not far enough.... lets go back a little further...

Six months or so before the first SWAT assessment....lets say 2008 at the start of May. It was just after getting released to go back to physical training from that stupid neck surgery. Nothing as liberating as being told I could run again and two weeks later running the mini-marathon and getting my personal best! With two weeks of training! Granted my personal best was still slower than most, but it rocked! This was before I decided to go out for SWAT of course. This was when I was still skinny armed and pudgly in the middle...but the mini was my goal and I did it. I was so happy. But wait, lets get in the "way back" machine a little further....

It must have been January or February in 2008...My best friend in the universe needed my help. She needed to do some push ups and running and her own PFT to get hired on the department. I was so there, I wanted to be able to do these things as well, it had been years since I was able to do the same thing the recruits are expected to do. So there we both were, struggling and really unable to do one good pushup. It was pathetic and hilarious at the same time. Sit ups were another big joke, maybe 20 if I struggled and farted all over myself. I did have the advantage of running a lot though, so the cardio never really hurt much. I was "skinny fat". (Which is a new term for just being totally out of shape but being able to squeeze into a size 6.) The goal then was to be able to drop and do push ups with the recruits without looking like I was dying. One more time, lets go back....aw come on, its not that boring right?

April 2006...the merger is coming on 1/1/07 and we are slowly being made into a whole new department....I am suddenly thrust into a new training enviroment where I am required to run. Yes this is the physical fitness training they have required the "recruits", running. Thats pretty much all they do. Well running and four hours of aerobics. I was a chubby out of shape girl, but being the only one to come over from my department, I refused to let them make me look bad or quit. It hurt, it sucked, but my pride carried me through and I learned running shoes are important and running was okay if you learned how to ignore the pain of it and have an out of body experience. I ate fast food almost every day, just quit smoking the year before, and never worked out.

Now a quick zip and we are back to the present, or future, or whatever! I am in pretty good shape, I actually like to run, and I really watch what I am using to fuel my body. (Even though cherry garcia is still the worlds most perfect food.) I have sacrificed laziness and sleeping in to get to where I am now physically, to say the least. The pain, sore muscles, strains, bunions, cold weather, hot weather, broken toes..... was it all worth it? I will let you know tomorrow afternoon.

Last chance workout

Halfway through the last workout before the test. Getting suited up to go outside and run amok. Leaving it all on the track today. If I am not ready by now, I will never be.

Wish me luck!

Remembering why I am doing this

As my knees ache and I am tired and not looking forward to training, I have to remember why I am doing all of this in the first place. Put aside I am a girl and someone said I couldn't and this is why I want to be on the SWAT team.

I want to be part of an elite team. I want to be one of the best.
That is what draws me to SWAT, to really and sincerely belong to a team.
The types of calls handled are the most challenging they can be.
SWAT team members are almost always some of the most able personnel on every department and I want to learn and work with the best.
The training is top notch and ongoing and intense.

Im getting really nervous. Time to get psyched up, and not psyched out. Breathe, breathe, breathe....BLARGH!!! I am going to have to take up meditation or something to channel the nervous energy into that faster sprint and run time.

Playing the mental game

I have two more workouts before the SWAT tryout. Today wasnt too awful, but my coach wasnt there and I had to motivate myself. Thats not an easy task when no one is watching and no one knows how many push ups you just did or even cares really. To be honest, at this point I am as physically able as I can get. If I somehow dont succeed or dont pass, I know I really did my best.

Am I putting undue pressure on myself anyway? Maybe. I have told so many people I am trying out for the team that pretty much everyone knows. When I was first flopping on the ground unable to do a single push up or dangling with my legs in the air trying haplessly to drag my carcass up...just up a little it was easy to tell everyone I wanted to be on the SWAT team. It seemed unreal and far away, like trying to touch the moon from your bedroom window! Now, its 7 days away and very real. I think I am ready. I really do. Of course now everyone who knows I am trying out keeps asking and I tell them I am ready. I hope I am. There are rookies and females all over the department pulling for me. I know I dont represent them all and I didnt sign up to be a "trailblazer" but I'm kind of thrust into that position anyway.

I now play the mental game. I need to play over and over in my mind me passing this physical fitness test, breezing through it so when it comes it will seem I have done it a thousand plus times successfully anyway.

I can do it, yes I can! If I can't do it, no one can! Ha ha ha!

I am also thinking that if I get a pedicure and get my nails painted hot pink or fire red that will make me faster and stronger.

So; now I practice the last hope of the weak and weary... I pray for guidance and help from above. If I cant be faster and stronger, let me have a stronger ability to let go of disappointment and my failure. Or just let me be the bad ass babe I spout off that I am all the time and have all the boys eating my dust!!!! (Eating my dust with hot pink toenails!! )

I had a dream

I had a dream. No, this isnt some inspirational MLK post, I am not that clever. I really did have a dream. I dreamed it was the day of the physical fitness assessment for SWAT. I went to check in, they handed me a packet and said, be at the location listed on the packet at 2 PM. Dont be late. I was like, no problem! I was then hanging out with the other participants, talking and waiting for time. It was when I noticed the clock said ten till 2 I decided to go out to the track. Of course, when I got there and it was empty, I realized I just assumed the track was the location and I had no idea where I was really supposed to be! In this dream I was so panicked I couldnt even read where I was supposed to be at, so I ran through the entire training complex looking for everyone. I found them finally, but I was late and they wouldnt let me test. I begged, I pleaded, I was only 5 minutes late; but to no avail. I woke up pretty mad about it all, and wondered if this has become so all consuming I cant even have regular dreams of flying or Elvis!!!!

Nine days and a rant

Nine short days until the PFT. At this point, I can only continue my workouts and work on my mental fitness for the day. I need to be sure I am psyched up enough to complete it all without messing up somewhere, dropping the dummy or breaking the seal on my mask. Maybe I should take up meditation. To be honest, when I start thinking about it, my stomach kind of feels like I ate some tainted little debbie peanut butter.

Now I shall have a super whine fest and complain about the random things that arent fair.

Kettle bells are not fair. They dont realize how hard they are on your grip strength and how the 52 lb bell looks just like the 32 lb-er. They also dont realize my form sucks so bad and now my back is killing me! Stupid kettle bell.

Being a woman is unfair. Yes, yes, I have complained about this before, but its not just about the random upper body strength issues this time around. Now I hate the fact that I am bleeding like a freaking animal slaughter. Thank God my back hurts so bad from bad kettle bell form, it kind of evens out the cramps in the front!

Fashion is unfair. I went to buy something cute Friday afternoon. (I had a date with my BFF to go to the Elvis birthday tribute show, SUPER awesome!!!). I picked up several cute looking long sleeve blouses, shirts, tee-shirts. I am generally a small. Well, I used to be a small until I started working out. Now I'm a medium. Or at least I was. I tried on five different shirts and my upper arms wouldn't squeeze into the sleeve! So try on a large right? Yeah, well the large was fitting in the bicep and huge everywhere else. No wonder athletes wear stretchy sweatshirts and tees! I got so discouraged I gave up trying to find a shirt. Moving on to pants. Well lets say jeans, skinny jeans. I could have probably squeezed myself into a 7 skinny jean, but my thighs were uncomfortable. Not to mention that I think it looked almost pornographic the way my butt looked!!! So a size nine skinny jean, with a belt to keep from the universe from seeing my panties. Am I wearing these things wrong? I mean, why dont clothes fit anymore? They make specialty stores for plus size girls, big and tall men, children.... can they not make stores that sell "athletic" cuts of clothes? If you work out at all and want to get super depressed, go try on a dress shirt at Hollister. (Hollister, we pretend we can surf but really we cater to the waif like 13 year olds~which in the midwest seriously dont exist!!!)

Whew, feeling much better all that is off my chest. Now maybe I can lay my head down on my desk for a minute before the boss catches me! HA!

15 days

15 days left until the PFT. I am totally getting nervous and paranoid about it now. I am afraid I am going to do something to get injured or maybe end up with rabies from a wild squirrel before the test. (I'm having this hilarious visual of me out jogging and being dive-bombed by insane militant squirrels in their supersonic high pitched squeaky voices yelling "ATTACK!" .....aaaaaaah, stop throwing nuts at me!!!!.....) Oh, I so crack myself up.

Of course there is the very real possibility that the weather will be horrific on that day, 40 below or something and I will have to run the test indoors. That would mean 17 horrific laps around two gyms to equal a mile and a half. If you think 6 laps around the outdoor track is bad, wow what a mind meld 17 would be. I seriously loose track of what lap I am on outside...

Maybe I should take up meditation or yoga or something before the test to find my "chi" whatever that means.

Exercise and vitamins

Friday was an outstanding workout day. I felt fast and strong and simply mowed down every exercise that got in my way. I was a freaking steamroller!!! (Take that, stupid weighted vest!!!) Those stupid creeping in thoughts that sleeping would be nicer than push ups and curling into the fetal position on the mat is way better than those sit ups managed to still be there; but I was able to push it aside. Funny thing, I don't really know how I did it. I just stayed focused and strong, willing my body to do what I needed.

Maybe its the new multivitamins. I'm not sure though, it sems to me someone told me once that multivitamins are made of mostly cardboard. Quick check of the "other ingredients" listed on the bottom of the bottle shows number one listed cellulose. Ha! Yep, thats paper allright. Hilarious. I am paying GNC out the wahoo to eat paper. Not just paper, this is huge bullet sized (45 calibur) vanilla sugar coated goodness. I seem to also remember you can overdose on vitamins, but only certain ones. I mean, you can eat vitamin C till the cows come home and it doesnt matter because whatever your body doesnt need you just flush down the toilet anyway.

Why on earth would anyone need 333% of your daily vitamin C intake? Thats whats listed on my vitamin bottle. Of course I'm only getting 50% of my daily calcium. I am getting 833% of vitamin B-12. What the??? Why dont they just make a vitamin with 100 percent of what you need and be done with it. Life was simpler when I took flintstone chewables.

Well maybe its placebo maybe its not, but since I feel faster and stronger, I must be faster and stronger. Perception is reality!!!!

Lessons Learned

I think I figured something out. Its like when dieting, when you check that non-digital scale every single day to see if you are suddenly down or up in weight. It doesnt work. You can chart your progress weekly, right? Or monthly? Who hasnt felt that pang of panic when you suddenly realize theres an extra lb or two looming below your feet? It sure makes for a crappy day! I have deduced this must be whats going on with my training. I have a goal, of course, and its rough going. But I really need to focus on the bigger picture and not so much the "okay, today I only did 40 push ups and yesterday I did 42, oh no I'm slipping!". There is no possible way to get horrifically out of shape overnight. I did not get into shape over night and I cant get out of shape overnight. Yes, the workout will suffer if I down a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia (the most perfect food in the universe). But as long as I work out, I am okay. Today was another rough one, and my coach took it easy on me. At first it made me kind of mad, like hey mister if you dont push me whos going to! Then I realized I needed an easy workout for a change. It still counts as a workout. I still managed to stank up my workout clothes.

I have also been reading online about SWAT processes in different places, and wow, there really are very very few women on the teams. I read an article about LAPD "lowering" their standards to girls can get in, and oh how that pissed me off. Seriously. Royally. I personally think thats awful, I want to pass our process as is. The same as the stupid boys. (My mom said anything boys can do girls can do better!!) I am glad they arent lowering the standards. I'm not glad its so hard, but maybe its just as hard for everyone. I would hate for anyone to say I only passed because they lowered our standards. That would so suck!

After the encouragement and an easy workout day today, I should be back on my game soon.
23 days to go. How bad do I want it? Oh yeah, lookout boys...you may have to share your guns and ammo with a girl!!!!!

Do I have what it takes?

I am tired. I am tired of exercising. I cant even trick myself into the happy bunny flail. I have been wearing my under armor batman shirt and sweat pants all day. I just need to put my running shoes on and out the door! Just one mile right? One mile as fast as I can go, get it over with. At my slowest it would be 10 minutes. My fastest 7. I can certainly run for 7 minutes. SWAT PFT is ever looming and I am getting really nervous. I have worked my old woman body as hard as possible for this long... After that spinal surgery at the end of February, remember how happy you were to get released and just be able to go outside and run? Six long weeks of no exercise allowed and remember the joy when you got to start up again? Then the determination and motivation when you decided to go for SWAT. Since September the grueling workouts, but the steady improvement. I dont know how much longer I can keep the schedule of pull ups and push ups and sit ups and running and blah. How do I find that joy again? The determination I felt when it was said a woman would never be able to do the physical part of the SWAT training? Is it still there? Bah. Of course taking a "no exercise" day doesnt help because it makes me feel guilty or like maybe if I dont exercise that one time it would make me not be able to pass the PFT. 25 days left, do I really need to squander any of them? I wish I knew someone who has been through this and could give me their wisdom. Of course, I am the first. No women have ever passed the SWAT process. None. For the entire history of both departments and now the consolidated department, there have been none. I realize this isnt lobbying for the right to vote or go to public schools, but it still feels like some sort of step and its not easy. Am I really as strong as all the other female trail blazers before me? Maybe I should set up a shrine to Alice Paul and Lucy Burns and they will pass some strength down from Heaven.

Random post

New class starts monday, that means long 10 hour days (for them) and 12 hour days for me. On top of that training for SWAT. I hope I survive. I hope I pass. For pitys sake, I hope I get over being obsessed about it for a minute. I need to stop letting it consume me. Maybe for five minutes I can pretend I'm not neurotic...

By the way, every lap and rep that hurts and makes me want to hurl, I curse you cupcakes and cookies. You bastards. Why are you so delicious?

Quick note to my cats....Millie and Smokey, I appreciate your work over the last two days. I take back the envious thoughts while getting ready to go outside in 20 degree cold and watching you curled up in a black fuzzy ball on the couch. You guys really do rule. Even though your love is sometimes pointy and smells of catfood. By the way, you really can stop leaving dead mice on the kitty scratching tower. I get it. Gift for the family and all that, but do you really have to chew their faces off first?