Dogs are stupid

I had one of those weekends again. You know, the kind where you eat every cookie in the house and then bake some cupcakes to feed the sugar craving beast? Of course to balance it out there has to be some savory selections as well, all deep fried and artery clogging. Needless to say, this doesn't lend itself to feeling very good about my health or body image. There was no exercise to speak of Friday or Saturday. Sunday morning the guilt hit home and I decided to go for a run. Its freaking freezing outside. (This being the excuse I didn't go outside and run for about a week.) No no, positive thinking I say to myself...staying indoors will do nothing about the nice layer of hibernation fat over your midsection. So after putting on layers of clothes and my fancy new fast cats, off I go. I can literally feel the fatness jiggling and holding me back. Once I get a good running song and rhythm going (I'm bringing sexy back....yeah!!!) and the jiggle starts to be in time, its not so bad. Breathing in the cold air kind of burns my lungs but I remember that this actually is good for me and doesn't feel as horrible as originally I convinced myself that it would. I'm going pretty good now, one mile in (...try to make me go to rehab, I say no, no, no!) and this is where the goodness ends. I am still not sure who spotted who first, but lets just say that eye contact with a pit bull is never a good thing. I'm running by an elementary school, the dog, we shall call her Cujo, is across the street. I attempt to not be scared, dogs can sense this so I have been told. BARK BARK BARK BARK, coming right at me! Okay, I'm not gonna give in to the fear and definately don't want to feed the prey drive of this mutt, so I will stop running now. I feebly try to sound tough and bigger than I am and shout at Cujo to go home. Its not working. I even try the whole "nice doggie" approach, yeah that so doesnt work. I take a step back, still facing the dog, and doggie dearest takes a growling step forward. I turn my body slightly looking for an escape....nothing but open field. It's about 100 yards to the closest playground equipment to scale and about 10 feet away from the satanic canine. I will never make it. (The growling and snarling are seriously putting me in panic mode, I can see that this dog has a collar on, a nice pretty studded collar and "nursing" boobies hanging down.) Well mutt, it seems we are at an impasse. I can't go forward for you are blocking my way. If I go back, you will consider this a fearful retreat and chase me down and devour me like a biscuit. I am so screwed. Did I happen to mention this is a pit bull who's giant head looks more like it should be on a freaking bison??? I am thinking my entire left side would be gone in one gulp, but then of course I recall hearing somewhere that pit bulls don't stop at one bite...they keep biting and chewing and tearing... With no other options I reach for my cell phone and call home. This is how the phone call goes.

Ring, ring, "Uh hello?", my youngest son answers.
"Let me talk to your dad." *BARK BARK BARK*
"Uh, he's sleeping or something."
"What? He wasn't sleeping five minutes ago when I left!!! Just take him the phone!" *BARK BARK BARK BARK*
"Hang on."
"Hello?" Sleepy voice of my husband.
"Dog, big *gasp* dog, big pit bull!!!" *BARK GROWL BARK*
"Do you have any mace with you?"
"NO! I have my phone!!!!"
"Well what are you gonna do, hit it with your phone?"
"NO!!! I called you to help me!!!" *BARK BARK*
"Did you want me to come get you? Where are you?"

Yeah I am realizing now this was probably not the brightest idea I have ever had trying to call for help from my half asleep husband and explain I am about to be kibble! Just as I am surely about to die, enter random stranger.

"Hey, is that your dog" says random stranger.
"NO!" I say, and R.S. sees the fear and panic in my face.
"Uh you need a ride or something?" says R.S.
"Well can you distract the dog or something with your car so I can get away?"
"Sure." and R.S. revvs the engine and I turn and run full sprint back to my house.

I remember then my husband on the phone and yell into it that I am running back home, the dog is not currently chasing me and I will be home soon. I wish I would have worn my garmin as that was probably the fastest mile time I have ever run. Stupid dog. There are a few things I thought about doing when I got home, and the nicest of which was to get into my car and find the beast and run over it. Now not only did I have a pigging out lazy weekend, I only ran two miles for my cardio because I was scared to death by a free roaming tooth farmer. This is why I hate dogs. People of the world, leash your mutts!!! Keep them in fences and far from roaming where they belong!!! I am not an animal hater, but seriously, this is why I hate dogs. Why should I have to run armed? Why can't dogs just leave me alone!!??