"Murph"

I did a full Murph. My time wasn't anything of a land speed record or even anything that exciting to publish on any kind of crossfitting workout website. But its good enough for me to be proud of and put on my own blog!!!

Murph consists of this:

Run one mile
100 pull ups
200 push ups
300 air squats
Run one mile

My time was one hour 14 minutes. Not too bad on a gimpy foot. I have to tell you, at certain points during the workout I really wasnt sure if I was going to make it, let alone survive. I pushed on though, and I am so glad I did. I waited all night last night for the super sore pain to start ravaging my body and was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to walk this morning. I hurt, yes, but no worse than a regular work out. Then I thought, huh, maybe I didn't push myself hard enough. So I jumped into the way back time machine in my head back to the agonizing hour plus workout. No, I could not have pushed myself any harder than I did. What's really funny is the last mile after the air squats, I really couldnt feel my legs. It was the oddest most wobbly experience of my life. I think I know what its like to be a newborn colt now. Ha!

I am proud I made it through. Of course the real life Murph that this workout is named after used to do said workout with a tac-vest on in Iraq, but thats just one reason he's a hero with a workout named after him.

I have also decided since I have no idea when the next SWAT posting will be (probably a year! bah!) I need to find another closer shorter term goal to reach for. I dont do well without some form of motivation or deadline. Putting on my thinking cap and trying to figure that one out.

More complaining

I ran a mile yesterday. Thats as far as I could run without searing stupid foot pain. I want it to feel better, and even if it hurts, I really want to be able to run on it anyway. If the doctor would just tell me I can run on it even if it hurts and it wont make it any worse, I totally would. Of course just before I had my neck surgery, the doc had told me I couldnt make the disc damage any worse so I could continue doing whatever I wanted to do....kind of not true considering I needed surgery eventually.

I really need to stop complaining, but then what would I write about? The fact that my hair needs to be colored again or my birthday is coming up? Nah, thats not nearly as interesting or fun to write about. Its much better for me to complain about the fact that everything from the waist down seems to jiggle a little and I am squeezing into my pants.

Pushing onward!! Going to attempt a "murph" workout tonite... well maybe a baby murph because it might be a little much for me to have as my 2nd crossfit back from injury.... but we will see I'm kind of stubborn.

Getting stronger or not?

Yesterdays workout...It was "sort of" a crossfit workout. We did 30 clean and jerks (sounds dirty, but its really just painful and involves a barbell) and then did 10 wall ball burpees. I hate burpees. I thought that there was really no exercise worse in my mind than a burpee, but I was wrong. Wall ball burpees involve a nice rubber medicine ball you can fling around the gym. A regular burpee is hellish enough: you drop, you push up, you kick your knees under you, and wham!! jump as high as you can and clap. The dumbest part is the clap. The clap itself seems so stupid after you can barely get your butt up out of the squatting position in the first place. I actually think the clap is to mock you or to attempt to make you think you are having fun (yay! clapping!) but it doesn't work. Now the wall ball burpee is the same general movement, but when you throw yourself down on the floor, you now do your push up with both hands on the medicine ball, when you bring your feet up under you, you then "clean" the medicine ball and hoist it as high and hard as you can on the wall, catching it when it comes down (preferrably not with your face, thats bad) and then pressing it one last time over head and throwing it violently to the ground. Note the part I said dont catch the ball with your face right? Well also, when you fling the ball to the gym floor, even though its a medicine ball, they still have a tendency to bounce toward your face.... yeah, maybe I caught one in the chin, maybe I didnt....

Maybe this round of exercise was easy for some, but if it was, they probably should have heaved more than just the 45 lb barbell over their heads and thrown more than a 12 lb medicine ball! For those warriors heaving 115 lbs and 30 lbs of medicine ball in the sky, you rock and one day I will be like you. I found it challenging but not the usual butt kicking laying on the ground gasping I usually get from crossfit. It was as if the lead instructor read my mind. I thought the workout was over, then came tabata squats. Only three minutes 50 seconds! If you are now wondering, what is a tabata squat, try typing it into you tube...I think I am still too traumatized to even begin to explain! Granted, the first time we ever did this "just a four minute workout" I seriously was walking like a zipper neck frankenstein from the soreness and this time, I am just a little sore. Does this mean I didnt push hard enough or that I am getting stronger? I hope it means I am getting stronger.

Tomorrows scheduled workout we are doing is "Helen" from the crossfit world. I am going to try to grab a heavier kettle bell than I usually do and see how far I can push myself. (Note to self, this may only last one round of "Helen" or it might never make it off the blog page!) We are supposed to have some guests working out with us tomorrow too, and that always pushes me harder because I have a tendency to show off. (What a goober I am!!)

Today wasnt a crossfit day, it was the usually gym stuff, sets of push ups, sets of pull ups, sets of scissor kicks, and the endless run. Okay, three miles isnt endless, but my legs were tired! Ha! Isn't it funny that I look more forward to the crossfit workouts but they are much harder on my body? Aaaah, exercise. If you don't develop anxiety before the workout about the workout, is it really pushing you hard enough? Good times.

The good, bad, and ugly

"Crossfit" or as my favorite blogger Crabby said, "functional fitness" may be the best thing ever invented or thought up. Then again, it may be the devil. I have been doing these exercises twice a week in addition to traditional workouts for a little while now...three weeks I guess? I am not sure, my concept of exercise and time is bad. (Probably because while you are exercising it seems to affect the time/space continuum because it lasts FOREVER!)

The best thing about crossfitting? Its awesome when you are done and laying on the floor gasping for air and feeling like you should up chuck to feel better, totally covered in sweat. I know, that sounds totally sick right? After working out though, you really know you worked out. Maybe its just me, but I feel better when I am a little sore after a good hard workout. Its also awesome that a large variety of these workouts take 20 minutes or less to complete. Results you ask? Well I am not certain, but I feel stronger. My arms are definately more muscle-y (is that a word?) and defined. I may get to my giant buffness someday after all! Another good thing? Variety. I definately cant complain about getting bored like treadmill running and endless push ups and sit ups every single day.

The bad thing? You need equipment. Pull up bars and kettle bells and medicine balls. Sometimes the workout includes weights too, and most "paying" gyms frown upon throwing their weights around. I am super fortunate in the fact that where I work has a complete weight room and cardio room (Though not the newest stuff, but who cares!) and also a lot of other stuff like jump boxes and stretchy bands. The other bad thing? You really need to do these workouts with someone, because usually there needs to be a time keeper (a timer with alarm works too though) or at least someone suffering with you to motivate you to keep going.

Today I have a horrible cold, PMS, bloating, and a bad attitude but I still wanted to go do my crossfit workout. I did "Cindy". If you dont know what that is, check it out on youtube or on the crossfit.com site. Tomorrow, its a regular exercise day, more like a recovery day with a nice easy 3 to 4 mile run, and Sunday is heavenly off day. Of course, Monday brings the Zone diet into play as well, so I will have something else to focus on.

Between all of this working out and trying to be healthy, I am also studying for the written SWAT exam and interview on the 18th of this month. As long as I dont come across as a total psycho, I should do well. (I can be pretty charming!!! Ha!!)

So there you are, my post has the good (crossfit), the bad (crossfit)....wait the ugly? Oh yeah, that was just me doing crossfit with a cold and snotty face!!!!)

The Zone

Okay, I hate diets. Well, thats not really fair because I really havent ever been on a "real" diet plan, I always have tailored them to the way I thought in my mind they should be. I am pretty fit and exercise pretty hardcore at least 5 days a week, so I don't need a regular "diet to loose weight". I would, however like a nutrition plan or diet plan of some kind I can follow to really increase my athletic performance. After a grueling crossfit workout called "three buckets of puke" (of which I never puked, but thought I really could if provoked) I was happy to whine to anyone within ear shot about the whole diet situation. I should have kept my mouth shut.

Of course I was introduced to the "zone" diet plan for athletes. It seems like a lot of measuring and prepping, the meals are small but you eat a lot of times during the day. Oh yes, the part that really sold me was the 1/4 cup of ice cream you can have as one of your carbs. Are you kidding me? One (of the many) hard parts is figuring out how many blocks a day I get. It has different body types and I have to guess which one I am. I really have no idea about body image or any of that, so I am clueless. I want to say small female, but there is also medium and large female and then female athlete (also described as well muscled female). What does that mean? I mean, yeah I have some muscles. Im pretty buff. Of course, I also have girl squishy parts and have more of a 2 liter than a six pack....so what the??? Of course most people quit after a few weeks, because its hard to follow. At this point, though, I am willing to sacrifice to get stronger and leaner. I have been promised outstanding strength and performance!!!!

We shall see. I am starting monday. (Its gonna take the weekend to go shopping for the scale and food!) If this in any way hinders my workout regime though, I am so dumping it!

Nine days and a rant

Nine short days until the PFT. At this point, I can only continue my workouts and work on my mental fitness for the day. I need to be sure I am psyched up enough to complete it all without messing up somewhere, dropping the dummy or breaking the seal on my mask. Maybe I should take up meditation. To be honest, when I start thinking about it, my stomach kind of feels like I ate some tainted little debbie peanut butter.

Now I shall have a super whine fest and complain about the random things that arent fair.

Kettle bells are not fair. They dont realize how hard they are on your grip strength and how the 52 lb bell looks just like the 32 lb-er. They also dont realize my form sucks so bad and now my back is killing me! Stupid kettle bell.

Being a woman is unfair. Yes, yes, I have complained about this before, but its not just about the random upper body strength issues this time around. Now I hate the fact that I am bleeding like a freaking animal slaughter. Thank God my back hurts so bad from bad kettle bell form, it kind of evens out the cramps in the front!

Fashion is unfair. I went to buy something cute Friday afternoon. (I had a date with my BFF to go to the Elvis birthday tribute show, SUPER awesome!!!). I picked up several cute looking long sleeve blouses, shirts, tee-shirts. I am generally a small. Well, I used to be a small until I started working out. Now I'm a medium. Or at least I was. I tried on five different shirts and my upper arms wouldn't squeeze into the sleeve! So try on a large right? Yeah, well the large was fitting in the bicep and huge everywhere else. No wonder athletes wear stretchy sweatshirts and tees! I got so discouraged I gave up trying to find a shirt. Moving on to pants. Well lets say jeans, skinny jeans. I could have probably squeezed myself into a 7 skinny jean, but my thighs were uncomfortable. Not to mention that I think it looked almost pornographic the way my butt looked!!! So a size nine skinny jean, with a belt to keep from the universe from seeing my panties. Am I wearing these things wrong? I mean, why dont clothes fit anymore? They make specialty stores for plus size girls, big and tall men, children.... can they not make stores that sell "athletic" cuts of clothes? If you work out at all and want to get super depressed, go try on a dress shirt at Hollister. (Hollister, we pretend we can surf but really we cater to the waif like 13 year olds~which in the midwest seriously dont exist!!!)

Whew, feeling much better all that is off my chest. Now maybe I can lay my head down on my desk for a minute before the boss catches me! HA!

15 days

15 days left until the PFT. I am totally getting nervous and paranoid about it now. I am afraid I am going to do something to get injured or maybe end up with rabies from a wild squirrel before the test. (I'm having this hilarious visual of me out jogging and being dive-bombed by insane militant squirrels in their supersonic high pitched squeaky voices yelling "ATTACK!" .....aaaaaaah, stop throwing nuts at me!!!!.....) Oh, I so crack myself up.

Of course there is the very real possibility that the weather will be horrific on that day, 40 below or something and I will have to run the test indoors. That would mean 17 horrific laps around two gyms to equal a mile and a half. If you think 6 laps around the outdoor track is bad, wow what a mind meld 17 would be. I seriously loose track of what lap I am on outside...

Maybe I should take up meditation or yoga or something before the test to find my "chi" whatever that means.

Exercise and vitamins

Friday was an outstanding workout day. I felt fast and strong and simply mowed down every exercise that got in my way. I was a freaking steamroller!!! (Take that, stupid weighted vest!!!) Those stupid creeping in thoughts that sleeping would be nicer than push ups and curling into the fetal position on the mat is way better than those sit ups managed to still be there; but I was able to push it aside. Funny thing, I don't really know how I did it. I just stayed focused and strong, willing my body to do what I needed.

Maybe its the new multivitamins. I'm not sure though, it sems to me someone told me once that multivitamins are made of mostly cardboard. Quick check of the "other ingredients" listed on the bottom of the bottle shows number one listed cellulose. Ha! Yep, thats paper allright. Hilarious. I am paying GNC out the wahoo to eat paper. Not just paper, this is huge bullet sized (45 calibur) vanilla sugar coated goodness. I seem to also remember you can overdose on vitamins, but only certain ones. I mean, you can eat vitamin C till the cows come home and it doesnt matter because whatever your body doesnt need you just flush down the toilet anyway.

Why on earth would anyone need 333% of your daily vitamin C intake? Thats whats listed on my vitamin bottle. Of course I'm only getting 50% of my daily calcium. I am getting 833% of vitamin B-12. What the??? Why dont they just make a vitamin with 100 percent of what you need and be done with it. Life was simpler when I took flintstone chewables.

Well maybe its placebo maybe its not, but since I feel faster and stronger, I must be faster and stronger. Perception is reality!!!!

Lessons Learned

I think I figured something out. Its like when dieting, when you check that non-digital scale every single day to see if you are suddenly down or up in weight. It doesnt work. You can chart your progress weekly, right? Or monthly? Who hasnt felt that pang of panic when you suddenly realize theres an extra lb or two looming below your feet? It sure makes for a crappy day! I have deduced this must be whats going on with my training. I have a goal, of course, and its rough going. But I really need to focus on the bigger picture and not so much the "okay, today I only did 40 push ups and yesterday I did 42, oh no I'm slipping!". There is no possible way to get horrifically out of shape overnight. I did not get into shape over night and I cant get out of shape overnight. Yes, the workout will suffer if I down a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia (the most perfect food in the universe). But as long as I work out, I am okay. Today was another rough one, and my coach took it easy on me. At first it made me kind of mad, like hey mister if you dont push me whos going to! Then I realized I needed an easy workout for a change. It still counts as a workout. I still managed to stank up my workout clothes.

I have also been reading online about SWAT processes in different places, and wow, there really are very very few women on the teams. I read an article about LAPD "lowering" their standards to girls can get in, and oh how that pissed me off. Seriously. Royally. I personally think thats awful, I want to pass our process as is. The same as the stupid boys. (My mom said anything boys can do girls can do better!!) I am glad they arent lowering the standards. I'm not glad its so hard, but maybe its just as hard for everyone. I would hate for anyone to say I only passed because they lowered our standards. That would so suck!

After the encouragement and an easy workout day today, I should be back on my game soon.
23 days to go. How bad do I want it? Oh yeah, lookout boys...you may have to share your guns and ammo with a girl!!!!!

Random post

New class starts monday, that means long 10 hour days (for them) and 12 hour days for me. On top of that training for SWAT. I hope I survive. I hope I pass. For pitys sake, I hope I get over being obsessed about it for a minute. I need to stop letting it consume me. Maybe for five minutes I can pretend I'm not neurotic...

By the way, every lap and rep that hurts and makes me want to hurl, I curse you cupcakes and cookies. You bastards. Why are you so delicious?

Quick note to my cats....Millie and Smokey, I appreciate your work over the last two days. I take back the envious thoughts while getting ready to go outside in 20 degree cold and watching you curled up in a black fuzzy ball on the couch. You guys really do rule. Even though your love is sometimes pointy and smells of catfood. By the way, you really can stop leaving dead mice on the kitty scratching tower. I get it. Gift for the family and all that, but do you really have to chew their faces off first?

30 day count down

I got a stupid cold over Christmas. I was taking zinc and drinking OJ like it was going outta style but it didnt help, it just delayed it a bit. I knew I was in trouble when my hubby began the whole whining and coughing routine and I found random wadded up tissues all over the house. Crap. He had a cold and would hang all over me with his germ infested feverish body until he was certain I would catch it. Hes such a whiny baby when hes sick, I promise he didnt get out of bed all day. Then in the evening when I came home from work, he got up to lay on the couch and watch tv. For an hour. Then he went back to bed. All that sleeping all day made him exhausted. I know, I know, Im a total bitch and should never try to be a nurse. Florence Nightengale I'm not! So, no surprise to me I started getting sick on Christmas Eve day. Making cookies with the kids for Santa turned into me having a horrible headache and wanting to die. Of course I continued with my duties, I made dinner, wrapped presents, stuffed stockings. I even got up Christmas morning and made breakfast. All these things while having the same cold that made my man an invalid. The weaker sex, yeah right.

Now, being sick for three days I didnt work out. I tell myself I was sick, it was Christmas for pitys sake, I deserve this time off! Of course, today, I wish I would have just ran a little every day. What the hell, its just running right? I knew the workout would suck today. I just didnt realize how bad.

I take my SWAT physical agility test January 28th.... that is 30 days from today I need to be ready. So today I took a "mock" test, the same components to see where I am.

Required: (my scores)
1. Flexibility 16.6 inches (17)
2. Push ups 40 (42)
3. Sit ups 44 in one minute (44)
4. Pull ups 3 dead hang (4)
5. 1.5 mile run 12:18 (12:29)
6. 100 yd dash/dummy drag 28 seconds (33)
7. Stair climb 19 seconds (19.30)
8. Maze Crawl 78 seconds (85 seconds)
9 Bunker Lift 3 minutes support arm (3 minutes)

Now mind you numbers 6 through 9 are all while wearing SWAT tactical body armor with a 10 lb weight in the vest. Oh yes, 7-9 also have that plus the gas mask and a ballistic helmet. And that stupid dummy weighs at least 160-180 lbs. I sucked so bad today, I am really trying. I dont want to get to the 28th and say I didnt try hard enough. I need to get faster and stronger, and for the love of God I cant figure out how. Is there any way to make a 125 lb 5 foot 2" 37 year old woman able to do these things barring steriods???? Am I kidding myself and wasting my time trying??? I really want to know if I am trying harder than the guys who have to do this same test. Is it really not as hard for them? BAH!

Who does Cooper think he is anyway?

Cooper fitness standards. Oh I have heard your standards spouted every time we have a hiring process and we have new hopeful faces in the crowd. Its a super easy standard, really! I mean, seriously if you listen its the standard health and fitness level of a 40 year old woman! Egad! Not that, a 40 year old woman? That just brings up visuals of bon bon eating couch potato Oprah watching masses doesnt it? And I admit, some of the standards we require seem pretty easy. First standard, you have to jump 13 inches vertically. Not too bad, we usually dont loose anyone at this point of the test. Maybe one or two people who just (face it) arent coordinated enough to jump and swing their arm to tap the vertec. Then comes the one minute sit ups. The standard entry here is 26. Doesnt seem too rough does it? Well we are good for loosing about 3-8 applicants here. Either they are afraid of the Mexican food slipping out if they try too hard or they really aren't ready. (As far as the Mexican food goes, yeah there have been "rippers" during the test....its a natural bodily function people! Stop laughing! Yeah, that includes me...) Now comes the 300 meter sprint. You have 87 seconds. Thats almost a minute and a half. No one usually sucks too bad at this, we have some close calls but few failures. OOh now comes the next test, the one all girls fear....yes its the push ups. You have to get 21 push ups. No time limit. Come on, seriously, you knew you wanted this job and you knew you had to do push ups. Tell me you have been practicing and working out. Liars. Dont look at me and ask if you can have a "do over" if you only get 7. The standard is 21, and if you couldnt get that many the first try, what really makes you think you can do it after a five minute break? This is where we usually loose the girls. Or we get the girls who squeak by, struggling and gasping. (Im not judging, I know its hard ladies, but do you want the job or not???) Now on to the final component...the mile and a half run. Now this so called "run" needs to be completed in 18:56. Thats right, eighteen minutes and fifty six seconds. Forever. If you walk, you wont make it. Of course, if you sort of walk/jog and cry and whine, chances are you make it. Sometimes we get to call EMS on this one. Its pretty awesome when people hyperventilate or start barfing when they are almost done! Now if you have passed all of these, even the squeakers, you come upstairs and get the lecture about nutrition and exercise. This is where the bombs are dropped by my (male) Sergeant...if you think this is hard, this entry standard is the level of a 40 year old woman!!! *in my mind the next thing he says is you ought to be ashamed* You will be expected to do much better if you want to pass this academy!!! Blah blah blah, talk talk. Then he goes on about how these are the Cooper standards, more blah, how they should be much harder. My favorite part is when he said they didnt need any 5 foot 2 inch 115 lb people on this department! The difficulty to restrain my laughter is nearly unbearable, since when I got hired to be a cop I maybe weighed 100 lbs at 5"2"!!! Ha! All this being said, who the hell does he think he is right? For that matter, who the hell does Cooper think he is too? Isnt eating (mostly) healthy food and exercising (mostly) every day enough? So I have a little flab, big f'n deal right? Now I start to panic and over exercise and stress about any morsel nearing my face! I want to be good enough!

I figure its like this, I need to not panic and be forced into an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise again. (Thats right, mean girls, you can no longer tease me until I have an eating disorder!!!) Its like going to visit my mom, and within the first ten minutes she mentions the fact that my face is broken out and my hair looks dry. I shrug it off while buying proactive and smearing avacado in my hair. I hate being subjected to any of it. I hope I am getting stronger by recognizing it doesnt matter and just doing what makes me feel healthy and strong.

Jeckyll and Hyde

Today was a really painful workout. I felt exhausted before I even started! Sit ups, leg lifts, pull ups four rounds to failure.....I tell you my body was rebelling! Then we went and ran the stairs in the bleachers. At first it was just twice around the gym, up and down, up and down, for a nice warm up. Then sprints. Blah. After seriously considering vomiting a few times, then we ran the bleachers seven times. Well after 5 or 6 it was barely considered running because going up the stairs took mega effort and running down took mega effort not to just tumble. Of course I really shouldnt complain because I am glad that I got the workout done early so I can go home and crochet some blankets. Sounds hilarious doesnt it? I was working late nights and one of my co workers saw me crocheting away at a baby blanket when he said "SWAT don't knit". I was super happy to tell him that was fine, because this was crochet and I was just making gun cozys for the M-16's. I sometimes wonder if I am the only person that has two very different sides to them that really shouldnt co-exist but they do. I mean, okay, obviously I'm a cop, I like to work out, shoot guns, not to mention ground fighting and any other combatives. But I also really like to bake pies and cookies and any sweets and crochet blankets. I like watching old sappy movies and snuggling up on the couch almost as much as I like going to shoot simunition rounds at recruits on scenario days. I also like being a mom, and manage to do laundry and cook and clean. (Notice there was no "like" part about the cooking and cleaning...ha ha). Am I the only Jeckyll and Hyde out there? Or maybe everyone else just is better at hiding their secret alter ego.

Some good news about the holidays

I have always loathed Christmas shopping. I never really had a reason, I like giving gifts to friends and family. I then just assumed it was because I am mostly anti-social and hate being around society in such droves. But yesterday, I figured it out. Its not really that bad after all! Think of this, you can now park your car as far away from the front of the store as humanly possible and no one is jocking you for that coveted front spot. Try this in August, the security droves on their segway's ask what you are up to and assume you are smoking crack in the parking lot. The standing in the long line used to irritate the crap out of me, but now, its really awesome to practice balance, left leg, right leg, left leg right leg. If you are into isometrics, you can even squeeze and release to your hearts content! No more wasted line time! Also, I think that part of the cardio is the heart thumping action of maybe getting crushed in oncoming traffic in the parking lot on the way out with your purchases! Ah yes, holidays arent as bad as I thought. Seriously, this should totally count toward my workout.

The real difference between men and women

I have been really working myself as hard as I can lately, trying to get ready for this SWAT physical fitness assessment. I have all the standards posted in my office and locker room to remind me of what I need to be capable of. 44 situps in a minute. Doesn't sound like a lot until you are at about 40 and want to crap your pants. 40 push ups, no time limit. Okay so it really took some doing, but at this point I am there and can crank 'em out...I can even get 41 on a good day! Three dead hang pull ups....now that was the tough one...actually thats how I found blogger dot com, researching pull ups equalling hell!!! (Oh thank you cranky for that post, it really helped!!!) Got it, I am totally at five good pull ups. Well four and seven eighths my chin is just below where it should be. Mile and a half run in 12:18 or under....got it, its rough but I can do it just under 12:00. Sprint 100 yards and drag a 160lb dummy with a weighted vest on in 28 seconds.....got it. Climb 6 flights of stairs in 19 seconds (with said weighted vest, helmet, and gas mask) thats a tough one but got it too. After climbing the stairs without removing any equipment, then you crawl on hands and knees through a blacked out maze and have a luxurious 78 seconds to find your way out! From here you run to the top of the fire tower (another two flights up) and just hold a 40 lb shield with your non dominant hand for 3 minutes without resting the shield on your body or dropping it below eye level. Okay so all this is a lot right? Well its definately been hell on my body to try to get to this level to have a chance. Which, now I really do think I have a chance! I am now feeling so proud and confident, I feel like Arnold back in the day, I'm here to pump you up!!! Of course did I mention I'm 5'2" and 125 lbs and pushing 40? What the hell was I thinking???

Considering how proud I am and after a really strenuous workout today, my workout partner (whos a guy) and I went to have lunch. All of these things mentioned above seem to come so easily and naturally to him. Practicing sprints today (in the gym because its horrible outside) it was all I could do to not let him get too far ahead of me. He can do more pushups, situps, pull ups, you name it hes stronger and faster. Dammit! So sitting across the table scarfing down my grilled chicken salad like it was trying to escape (yeah, he so was eating a burger) I realized how much I hate evolution. I could taste the rosemary and spices on the chicken, smell the rain in the air outside, and even hear the quiet conversation at the table next door. My neanderthal lunch mate of course couldnt hear a thing, and when I mentioned the strong rosemary taste on the chicken looked puzzled. Whats my point? Evolution is unfair. I realize sometime back in the cave I had to be fatter with better senses to protect the young'uns through times of starvation and be able to hear those babies crying in the night. Thats why I can smell what my husband had for lunch that day when he kisses me and have to sleep with ear plugs in. Where as my male counterparts just got physically able to be stronger and faster. They can sleep through an alarm clock, and suffer through horrible smells. (Evidence of this: my husband and sons having "fart wars" during the game.) At one point I had really been struggling trying just to get one pull up... just one... it was seven weeks in and my lats and shoulders were on fire...when my unhealthy smoker of a 200 lb husband easily cranks about six out with ease, telling me maybe I just need to pull harder. Bastard.

So thanks evolution for giving me the ability to smell sour milk, hear my kids restlessness when they dont want to go to sleep, and taste every bit of that chalky "lean body" chocolate meal replacement. Then there is the ever present craving for sweets. Heck lets not forget the biggest wonder of being a woman, I can totally bleed for a week without dying! (Of course this comes with crankyness, bloating, and cramps, but whatever.) Where as evolution has given men the ability to be stronger and faster, and not to mention they are considered the leaders of society to protect us poor weak girls. Oh yeah, thanks evolution, thats totally fair.

Super happy bunny exercise!

After an awful workout yesterday (I was just exhausted and could barely get any reps on anything) I was feeling kind of low. My workout partner came in saying "oh yeah, today is gonna be a grueling workout....we are hitting it hard". For some reason, that soooo made it worse. (Huh, I wonder why!) So I have decided after making it home last night and lying lifeless and limp on the couch like a bunch of jello, I have to change my way of thinking about it. No longer can I dread the "cardio" running days or the awful indoor gym days because of the cold. I have to think of them differently even if they are the same ole same ole. I have decided instead of working out today I shall call it rolling around in comfy fluffy sweats and sneakers! Maybe its a huge exaggeration, but I will totally be wearing sweats and sneaks, so there! I should focus more on the fact that even though I didn't do a biggest looser last chance workout yesterday, I did go to the gym and put forth some effort. So bring it on, super happy workout program!!! I'm still in! You so can't stop me self doubt, not this time!!!

The perfect pants

It occurs to me as I sit here and look at my haphazardly packed gym bag that I really need some new pants. Just a passing thought, but it is getting really cold outside and if I want to continue working out outside (UH, running) I should get some running pants. Then I need to take inventory and try to recall what it was exactly that I was wearing last year. Did I have any pants last year or was I somehow tougher and the weather didn't bother me? Well of course I had the sweats I'm wearing now. Of course, they shrunk a little in the wash. No, seriously, thats not just the cupcakes talking, they really shrunk!!! They still fit okay, but any sweatpants that are gonna show panty lines really should be tossed. There's the pair of yoga pants haphazardly lying across the top of the bag. They are super super loose. Of course they are kind of Gran's with a really mega loose fit and 3 foot inseam and uber stretchy waistband with a string tie! These pants aren't really suitable to be wearing outside, and really not good for running. Why they would be flapping back and forth so much I might literally take flight! When I bought them I thought they were the best pants ever. Loose and comfy, so good I bought two. (Mental note, anything purchased pre-menstrual in the basement "ladies" sport section is not a really good idea.) Then there were the hanes sweatpants. Elastic waist and pegged legs. *ring* *ring*, uh hello 1982, you can have your pants back. Nuff said. I do have three pairs of "track" pants, but two are very thin and cheap and the other pair really are getting worn. When ever I go to the running store and get new shoes, I am always eyeballing the "running" specific pants. They are usually 60 bucks or more, and my cheap ass poor side have a hard time spending that much money on something besides electricity or gas. Of course I have to think back to that search for the perfect running shorts. I still haven't succeeded in finding a pair that don't bulge out in the belly. I know they should be loose, but whatever. I need some substance! I have yet to try on these lovely expensive pants. They seem so form fitting. I mean I suppose I understand they are really kind of supposed to be so you don't get the whole "flying nun" flap going on while puttering around the hood, but wow. Do I really want to put it all out there? Every little bump and misplaced curve? And so what if I do, right? Who really cares? No one looks at you when you are running right? I wonder if anyone else has issues with finding pants or shorts that are just right or is it just me.

Dogs are stupid

I had one of those weekends again. You know, the kind where you eat every cookie in the house and then bake some cupcakes to feed the sugar craving beast? Of course to balance it out there has to be some savory selections as well, all deep fried and artery clogging. Needless to say, this doesn't lend itself to feeling very good about my health or body image. There was no exercise to speak of Friday or Saturday. Sunday morning the guilt hit home and I decided to go for a run. Its freaking freezing outside. (This being the excuse I didn't go outside and run for about a week.) No no, positive thinking I say to myself...staying indoors will do nothing about the nice layer of hibernation fat over your midsection. So after putting on layers of clothes and my fancy new fast cats, off I go. I can literally feel the fatness jiggling and holding me back. Once I get a good running song and rhythm going (I'm bringing sexy back....yeah!!!) and the jiggle starts to be in time, its not so bad. Breathing in the cold air kind of burns my lungs but I remember that this actually is good for me and doesn't feel as horrible as originally I convinced myself that it would. I'm going pretty good now, one mile in (...try to make me go to rehab, I say no, no, no!) and this is where the goodness ends. I am still not sure who spotted who first, but lets just say that eye contact with a pit bull is never a good thing. I'm running by an elementary school, the dog, we shall call her Cujo, is across the street. I attempt to not be scared, dogs can sense this so I have been told. BARK BARK BARK BARK, coming right at me! Okay, I'm not gonna give in to the fear and definately don't want to feed the prey drive of this mutt, so I will stop running now. I feebly try to sound tough and bigger than I am and shout at Cujo to go home. Its not working. I even try the whole "nice doggie" approach, yeah that so doesnt work. I take a step back, still facing the dog, and doggie dearest takes a growling step forward. I turn my body slightly looking for an escape....nothing but open field. It's about 100 yards to the closest playground equipment to scale and about 10 feet away from the satanic canine. I will never make it. (The growling and snarling are seriously putting me in panic mode, I can see that this dog has a collar on, a nice pretty studded collar and "nursing" boobies hanging down.) Well mutt, it seems we are at an impasse. I can't go forward for you are blocking my way. If I go back, you will consider this a fearful retreat and chase me down and devour me like a biscuit. I am so screwed. Did I happen to mention this is a pit bull who's giant head looks more like it should be on a freaking bison??? I am thinking my entire left side would be gone in one gulp, but then of course I recall hearing somewhere that pit bulls don't stop at one bite...they keep biting and chewing and tearing... With no other options I reach for my cell phone and call home. This is how the phone call goes.

Ring, ring, "Uh hello?", my youngest son answers.
"Let me talk to your dad." *BARK BARK BARK*
"Uh, he's sleeping or something."
"What? He wasn't sleeping five minutes ago when I left!!! Just take him the phone!" *BARK BARK BARK BARK*
"Hang on."
"Hello?" Sleepy voice of my husband.
"Dog, big *gasp* dog, big pit bull!!!" *BARK GROWL BARK*
"Do you have any mace with you?"
"NO! I have my phone!!!!"
"Well what are you gonna do, hit it with your phone?"
"NO!!! I called you to help me!!!" *BARK BARK*
"Did you want me to come get you? Where are you?"

Yeah I am realizing now this was probably not the brightest idea I have ever had trying to call for help from my half asleep husband and explain I am about to be kibble! Just as I am surely about to die, enter random stranger.

"Hey, is that your dog" says random stranger.
"NO!" I say, and R.S. sees the fear and panic in my face.
"Uh you need a ride or something?" says R.S.
"Well can you distract the dog or something with your car so I can get away?"
"Sure." and R.S. revvs the engine and I turn and run full sprint back to my house.

I remember then my husband on the phone and yell into it that I am running back home, the dog is not currently chasing me and I will be home soon. I wish I would have worn my garmin as that was probably the fastest mile time I have ever run. Stupid dog. There are a few things I thought about doing when I got home, and the nicest of which was to get into my car and find the beast and run over it. Now not only did I have a pigging out lazy weekend, I only ran two miles for my cardio because I was scared to death by a free roaming tooth farmer. This is why I hate dogs. People of the world, leash your mutts!!! Keep them in fences and far from roaming where they belong!!! I am not an animal hater, but seriously, this is why I hate dogs. Why should I have to run armed? Why can't dogs just leave me alone!!??