Do I have what it takes?

I am tired. I am tired of exercising. I cant even trick myself into the happy bunny flail. I have been wearing my under armor batman shirt and sweat pants all day. I just need to put my running shoes on and out the door! Just one mile right? One mile as fast as I can go, get it over with. At my slowest it would be 10 minutes. My fastest 7. I can certainly run for 7 minutes. SWAT PFT is ever looming and I am getting really nervous. I have worked my old woman body as hard as possible for this long... After that spinal surgery at the end of February, remember how happy you were to get released and just be able to go outside and run? Six long weeks of no exercise allowed and remember the joy when you got to start up again? Then the determination and motivation when you decided to go for SWAT. Since September the grueling workouts, but the steady improvement. I dont know how much longer I can keep the schedule of pull ups and push ups and sit ups and running and blah. How do I find that joy again? The determination I felt when it was said a woman would never be able to do the physical part of the SWAT training? Is it still there? Bah. Of course taking a "no exercise" day doesnt help because it makes me feel guilty or like maybe if I dont exercise that one time it would make me not be able to pass the PFT. 25 days left, do I really need to squander any of them? I wish I knew someone who has been through this and could give me their wisdom. Of course, I am the first. No women have ever passed the SWAT process. None. For the entire history of both departments and now the consolidated department, there have been none. I realize this isnt lobbying for the right to vote or go to public schools, but it still feels like some sort of step and its not easy. Am I really as strong as all the other female trail blazers before me? Maybe I should set up a shrine to Alice Paul and Lucy Burns and they will pass some strength down from Heaven.