Super vent!

I really need to vent. I dont consider myself a full fledged non-shaving, birkenstock wearing, man hating rabid follower of Gloria Steinem (although several of these apply at various stages in my life) but I am disgusted!

First of all, wanted or unwanted, I carry the burden now of being the only female attempting to be on SWAT. Okay, whatever. I can deal right? So I get the occaisional dumb ass comment about why on earth a woman would want to do something like that, and I just have to fire back with "well, why on earth would a man want to?" I'm sure they are pretty close to the same reason.

I realize females as a population are not males and we definately have our distinct differences. But that doesnt make us the "weaker" sex. Think about it. If it was up to men to have babies and be in that much labor pain for endless hours, the species would cease to exist. Women also have a better ability to multi task, we can do a hundred things at once and get them all done. Maybe there are men who can do this too, but most men focus on one thing and thats pretty much all their attention can take. Lets not forget I have yet to meet a man who can bleed for a week straight without dying! So men are the stronger sex they say....maybe physically. If they were that bad ass the simple sight of a box of Tampax wouldnt send them running.

This all being said, I was getting my mindless entertainment flipping channels from the basketball game to American Idol. They had a contestant who auditioned in a bikini. She was very pretty, awesome leggy figure. She pouted and smiled and batted her eyes. She could sing too, but really not that well. To my surprise, she went on to Hollywood! Whatever, right? No way could she do the entire show in a bathing suit. Well she was on there again last night, fully clothed. She still pouted and flirted and her singing was actually better....at first. Then it sounded whiny and nasal but they let her stay. The girls recognized the bad tone and said so, but the guys thought she was great. I thought to myself, its a stunt of some kind for the television show, to keep it interesting, until my husband piped up saying he thought she sounded great. After counting to ten and breathing deeply, I couldnt believe it. Are all men in the universe deaf or were they really so shallow that a pretty face and hot body was all that was really needed in their eyes? Have we come so far as a group fighting for equal rights and to be treated as human beings just to make it okay for girls to act dim witted and ditsy because they are cute and can get away with it? Are you kidding me? Then I started thinking about the beer commercials and Hooters girls....the many many strip clubs.... Seriously, ladies, are we really sabotaging ourselves here? On the one hand we scream "treat me equally!!! " and the other hand if we want something we "use" our feminine virtues to get it? Treat me the same but still treat me like a girl?

Am I wasting my voice saying over and over again during the SWAT process; think of me as another cop, not as a woman? If I pass, I want it to be because I made it through the exact same way everyone else did. Period. Is it futile? And is it me that has the problem recognizing that I am different or is it just the male of the species who is shallow and cant get over it? The real process has just begun and already I am hearing complaints about having to change things around because of a woman trying to be on the team. I have also heard the under the breath mumblings about how a woman will never be on "my" team. Well you chauvenist pig, I don't want to be on "your" team, I want to be on the team that recognizes me for my hard work and effort and not that recognizes I have tits.

Whew, thats a lot of hate I just spewed and I am sure its not as bad as that right? I just really wish I knew of another woman, just one, who made it through this type of training. I saw that LAPD had a female applicant, but she washed out. It would be nice to talk to someone who could give me advice.