SWAT school is coming.....

I suppose its time to start blogging again, if for nothing else but to let off some steam. The SWAT process is getting ready to start up again and I am hoping I am in better shape and ready for it more than before.

I heard from a friend of mine that the rumor mill going around is that it didnt matter how I did at SWAT school, they werent going to let me on the team. When I heard this, it made me steaming mad. Then the more I thought about it, I dont like the alternative way either....you know, the one that says it doesnt matter how I did at SWAT school, I was going to MAKE the team. Both of these rumors disgust me. Seriously, is it that important that I dont have a penis? I had no idea law enforcement was so phallus oriented. I should have guessed with all the "long guns". Sigh.

I already have doubts from the last school, after I hurt myself near the end and had to stop.

But, I think I need to look at it realistically-I did not do that well in the school. I was always the smallest and the slowest, the first one to tire out. I keep saying it shouldnt matter that I am a girl, but maybe it matters that I am 5 feet tall and 125 lbs, therefore the smallest of the group that went to the school. When I talk to the guys who made it through, they try to keep my spirits up reminding me that I never quit, I was forced by injury to stop....that there were others there who just didn't have the heart to go on and decided to quit. This should make me feel better but it doesnt. I keep thinking that all this means is that I have a seriously high threshhold for pain and suffering and dont mind putting myself through hell. Maybe I am just stubborn and didnt quit because I felt such pressure being the only female and my mom raised me to think I could do anything the boys could do.

Like I said, the process is starting again. Do I really want to put myself through this again? The ridicule, suffering, and two-faced words from people who on the surface say one thing and behind my back dont want a woman to be on the team? Do I bother, since no matter if I get on the team or not, they will question why and how I got there?

What a tragedy

Allright, to all who were watching and reading anxiously awaiting news about SWAT school....
I went. I saw. I kicked some butt. I broke my foot.

The first five days are to see who has the guts and stamina to hang on. Lots of running, painful exercise, obstacles to climb, sand to belly crawl through, guns to shoot, and all of it in cold Indiana weather. The wind never seemed to stop blowing directly in my face. I was cold, wet, dirty, and segregated from the 12 other guys going through with me. After the first day I was so sore and could barely eat anything, and when I ate, I threw it up. Its a wonder I didnt get dehydraded, but thankful for the camelback my boss gave me I always had water to drink. I checked my phone when I came in around 9 pm to my empty barracks and I had a message from my son telling me good luck, he missed me, and wondered what I was doing. I got scattered cell phone service and only intermittently got text messages. I layed in my bunk and wondered if I really could do it physically since I was already in so much pain. We got a surprise wake up call around one a.m. to hustle over to the classroom and put our guns together blindfolded after they were piled in front of us on the table. We had 45 seconds. Of course all the yelling and comments didnt help much but we fumbled through. Then we went back to bed and had class at 0700 on coffee making and trash taking out. Tuesday was more of the same with high obstacles to climb and confidence courses to master. I had the most spectacular fall from some apparatus appropriately named "the dirty name" which managed to knock the wind out of me and crack a few ribs. Nothing can be done for broken ribs anyway, so I went on. After Wednesday I was certain I had entered a new level of Hell accidentally and was being tortured. Thursday we were up at 4 a.m. and dropped in the middle of the woods in the dark with a map and compass and told to find several markers. After slogging around in the woods and realizing everyone was hurting and tired and hungry and cold just like me, I accepted my hell and even grew to love the horrible challenge and accept the pain. Then when we reached our objective and went to the road it happened. I slipped. My foot slipped on some wet leaves and I heard a distinct pop. I tried to ignore it and got into the van. Then as soon as we got back to the classroom, it was time to get our guns and run to the range. I couldnt even walk it hurt so bad and I could feel a popping with every step. I went to the SWAT medics to ask if they could just wrap it up, but they refused saying it would just cause more damage. I told them I refused to give my DOR and I wasnt quitting. They then packed my crap and drove me to the emergency room in Indianapolis where I was diagnosed with Turf toe, cracked ribs, and a fractured foot. I only had one day left. Friday was the last day of hell week and the next week is mostly learning and classroom. I couldnt even talk about it yesterday I was so bitterly disappointed. I suffered through the hardest torture my body has ever been through and bonded with a group of guys I would give my life for, and it was all taken away because of one small mistep. It looks like I have to start this whole SWAT process over.

After shedding some tears about it, and wondering why me, I have concluded they havent seen the last of me. I will make it on the SWAT team. Next year when they have another process, I will be stronger, faster, and smarter than they can even believe.

Another thing that has come out of this is that the Medic and Lt. told me on the way to the ER that I had definitely opened some eyes and gained respect for how far I had gone. (We started out with 13 going to camp, 4 guys quit before they made me leave.)

Its tragic, but I will carry on and keep trying. I guess if you look at it like this, I will still have something to blog about. Ha ha. I will try to post some pictures of me at SWAT school on my blog in the next week or so. Thanks to all for the luck and support.

WOW

I'm going to SWAT school!!! I passed my interview and written tests!!! Am I really excited about boot camp style thrashing and running with gas mask on all over the place? Do I really feel this happy about waking up at 0100 in the morning to go for a "midnight run" because the SWAT commanders feel like it? You better believe it!!! I am PSYCHED!!! Now I just have to get into even better shape before the school in April!!!

Yay!!!!

Still waiting

The results should be in by tomorrow to see how I did on the interview and testing yesterday. I am so hype and happy to this point, and of course a little nervous. Allright, thats lies, all lies. I am a lot nervous. Nothing little about it. I just have to keep staying the course, keep up my physical training. Read up on tactical training. Oh yes, I also get to hone my range skills. Is it wrong that I am the most excited about maybe actually getting my very own M-16? (Thats definately not one for the regular gal's "wish list".)

Also, I can see there is some hope with the endless male testosterone blather about me being a girl. I still get joked about and poked fun at, of course. But, I was actually told by a team member that he was really happy for me and that he and some of the other guys were "hype" and excited I was going out for the team. That made me smile so huge he probably saw molars. Of course, I did get asked if during the interview, I just walked in and put down my EEOC complaint paperwork and said I would sue if they didnt pick me because I was a girl, and my answer? Well of course! Is there something wrong with that? (I love sarcasm.)

I also made a huge hit at the gym today.... after a super fun round of "fight gone bad" crossfit, which is kettle bells, jump boxes, shoulder presses, wall ball with medicine balls, and most happily burpees for three rounds, I was again in my new favorite post exercise position, flat on my back. While gasping, sweating, and low crawling across the floor toward the water fountain, I was able to belt out a loud "Im ready for SWAT school!!!!". It was hilarious!

Oh the interview!

This morning I had my formal interview with the SWAT guys. I think the interview was mostly a once over to check all the applicants out to see if we measure up... I was so nervous before I actually went into the interview board I was shaking! I kept saying, you arent nervous, take a deep breath, remember to talk slowly, look em straight in the eye... Once the first question came out I felt like a gerbil on crack!!! I was hoping what I said actually came out sounding somewhat like english and not some sort of garbled cantonese!!! Especially since I dont speak cantonese!!! After that brutality I could breathe a little and did the memory test and the written test, those didnt have nearly the pressure as the interview board, but I still hope I did well.

I can hardly believe that at this point, if I managed to pass this part of it, I am definately going to SWAT school in April. I am reserving the full force happy dance freak out until I hear later this week how I did, but inside I am already doing a little happy jiggle. (Or maybe thats just the zone diet working its magic on my blubber!!!)

I havent broken the glass ceiling at this point, but I am definately fogging it up with my breath!!!

The good, bad, and ugly

"Crossfit" or as my favorite blogger Crabby said, "functional fitness" may be the best thing ever invented or thought up. Then again, it may be the devil. I have been doing these exercises twice a week in addition to traditional workouts for a little while now...three weeks I guess? I am not sure, my concept of exercise and time is bad. (Probably because while you are exercising it seems to affect the time/space continuum because it lasts FOREVER!)

The best thing about crossfitting? Its awesome when you are done and laying on the floor gasping for air and feeling like you should up chuck to feel better, totally covered in sweat. I know, that sounds totally sick right? After working out though, you really know you worked out. Maybe its just me, but I feel better when I am a little sore after a good hard workout. Its also awesome that a large variety of these workouts take 20 minutes or less to complete. Results you ask? Well I am not certain, but I feel stronger. My arms are definately more muscle-y (is that a word?) and defined. I may get to my giant buffness someday after all! Another good thing? Variety. I definately cant complain about getting bored like treadmill running and endless push ups and sit ups every single day.

The bad thing? You need equipment. Pull up bars and kettle bells and medicine balls. Sometimes the workout includes weights too, and most "paying" gyms frown upon throwing their weights around. I am super fortunate in the fact that where I work has a complete weight room and cardio room (Though not the newest stuff, but who cares!) and also a lot of other stuff like jump boxes and stretchy bands. The other bad thing? You really need to do these workouts with someone, because usually there needs to be a time keeper (a timer with alarm works too though) or at least someone suffering with you to motivate you to keep going.

Today I have a horrible cold, PMS, bloating, and a bad attitude but I still wanted to go do my crossfit workout. I did "Cindy". If you dont know what that is, check it out on youtube or on the crossfit.com site. Tomorrow, its a regular exercise day, more like a recovery day with a nice easy 3 to 4 mile run, and Sunday is heavenly off day. Of course, Monday brings the Zone diet into play as well, so I will have something else to focus on.

Between all of this working out and trying to be healthy, I am also studying for the written SWAT exam and interview on the 18th of this month. As long as I dont come across as a total psycho, I should do well. (I can be pretty charming!!! Ha!!)

So there you are, my post has the good (crossfit), the bad (crossfit)....wait the ugly? Oh yeah, that was just me doing crossfit with a cold and snotty face!!!!)

Super vent!

I really need to vent. I dont consider myself a full fledged non-shaving, birkenstock wearing, man hating rabid follower of Gloria Steinem (although several of these apply at various stages in my life) but I am disgusted!

First of all, wanted or unwanted, I carry the burden now of being the only female attempting to be on SWAT. Okay, whatever. I can deal right? So I get the occaisional dumb ass comment about why on earth a woman would want to do something like that, and I just have to fire back with "well, why on earth would a man want to?" I'm sure they are pretty close to the same reason.

I realize females as a population are not males and we definately have our distinct differences. But that doesnt make us the "weaker" sex. Think about it. If it was up to men to have babies and be in that much labor pain for endless hours, the species would cease to exist. Women also have a better ability to multi task, we can do a hundred things at once and get them all done. Maybe there are men who can do this too, but most men focus on one thing and thats pretty much all their attention can take. Lets not forget I have yet to meet a man who can bleed for a week straight without dying! So men are the stronger sex they say....maybe physically. If they were that bad ass the simple sight of a box of Tampax wouldnt send them running.

This all being said, I was getting my mindless entertainment flipping channels from the basketball game to American Idol. They had a contestant who auditioned in a bikini. She was very pretty, awesome leggy figure. She pouted and smiled and batted her eyes. She could sing too, but really not that well. To my surprise, she went on to Hollywood! Whatever, right? No way could she do the entire show in a bathing suit. Well she was on there again last night, fully clothed. She still pouted and flirted and her singing was actually better....at first. Then it sounded whiny and nasal but they let her stay. The girls recognized the bad tone and said so, but the guys thought she was great. I thought to myself, its a stunt of some kind for the television show, to keep it interesting, until my husband piped up saying he thought she sounded great. After counting to ten and breathing deeply, I couldnt believe it. Are all men in the universe deaf or were they really so shallow that a pretty face and hot body was all that was really needed in their eyes? Have we come so far as a group fighting for equal rights and to be treated as human beings just to make it okay for girls to act dim witted and ditsy because they are cute and can get away with it? Are you kidding me? Then I started thinking about the beer commercials and Hooters girls....the many many strip clubs.... Seriously, ladies, are we really sabotaging ourselves here? On the one hand we scream "treat me equally!!! " and the other hand if we want something we "use" our feminine virtues to get it? Treat me the same but still treat me like a girl?

Am I wasting my voice saying over and over again during the SWAT process; think of me as another cop, not as a woman? If I pass, I want it to be because I made it through the exact same way everyone else did. Period. Is it futile? And is it me that has the problem recognizing that I am different or is it just the male of the species who is shallow and cant get over it? The real process has just begun and already I am hearing complaints about having to change things around because of a woman trying to be on the team. I have also heard the under the breath mumblings about how a woman will never be on "my" team. Well you chauvenist pig, I don't want to be on "your" team, I want to be on the team that recognizes me for my hard work and effort and not that recognizes I have tits.

Whew, thats a lot of hate I just spewed and I am sure its not as bad as that right? I just really wish I knew of another woman, just one, who made it through this type of training. I saw that LAPD had a female applicant, but she washed out. It would be nice to talk to someone who could give me advice.

I DID IT!!!!

Short little post....but very meaningful to me.....

I passed the SWAT PFT. I am the only girl to have ever passed it and I'm going to SWAT school. I cant wait!!!!!

I am so happy!!! SCORE ONE FOR THE GIRLS!!!!!

(Now is it wrong if I totally rub it in to the guys who failed that they got beat by a girl??? HA!)

Is it really that time???

Okay so "D" day has nearly arrived. Tomorrow morning I shall slog my way to the academy through 6-8 inches of snow to test myself physically and mentally. (Of course, snow amounts are greatly exaggerated if the weather predictor was a man....seriously, think about it, have you ever met a man who really knew what 6-8 inches really looked like???? HA!)

I am trying to keep up with the busy work today, cleaning re-arranging things that have already been filed and re-filed hundreds of times. I have to keep reminding myself I can do this. I am strong and I am ready. Get behind me self doubt!!!! Trying to meditate, to use visualization techniques....seeing myself passing the test and being successful. I think I do well to have a goal, but I hope I havent "out-goaled" myself.

Lets take a trip back in time to just see how far I have really managed to come.

The first SWAT PFT was in September. I wasn't ready. I didn't have one pull up and I was slow on the sprinting and stairs. I struggled with the push ups and sit ups, and mostly didnt pass. I remember my goal on my daily workout was just to try to reach minimum SWAT entry standards. I was disappointed but determined when I heard they were having another assessment in January. But....this is perhaps not far enough.... lets go back a little further...

Six months or so before the first SWAT assessment....lets say 2008 at the start of May. It was just after getting released to go back to physical training from that stupid neck surgery. Nothing as liberating as being told I could run again and two weeks later running the mini-marathon and getting my personal best! With two weeks of training! Granted my personal best was still slower than most, but it rocked! This was before I decided to go out for SWAT of course. This was when I was still skinny armed and pudgly in the middle...but the mini was my goal and I did it. I was so happy. But wait, lets get in the "way back" machine a little further....

It must have been January or February in 2008...My best friend in the universe needed my help. She needed to do some push ups and running and her own PFT to get hired on the department. I was so there, I wanted to be able to do these things as well, it had been years since I was able to do the same thing the recruits are expected to do. So there we both were, struggling and really unable to do one good pushup. It was pathetic and hilarious at the same time. Sit ups were another big joke, maybe 20 if I struggled and farted all over myself. I did have the advantage of running a lot though, so the cardio never really hurt much. I was "skinny fat". (Which is a new term for just being totally out of shape but being able to squeeze into a size 6.) The goal then was to be able to drop and do push ups with the recruits without looking like I was dying. One more time, lets go back....aw come on, its not that boring right?

April 2006...the merger is coming on 1/1/07 and we are slowly being made into a whole new department....I am suddenly thrust into a new training enviroment where I am required to run. Yes this is the physical fitness training they have required the "recruits", running. Thats pretty much all they do. Well running and four hours of aerobics. I was a chubby out of shape girl, but being the only one to come over from my department, I refused to let them make me look bad or quit. It hurt, it sucked, but my pride carried me through and I learned running shoes are important and running was okay if you learned how to ignore the pain of it and have an out of body experience. I ate fast food almost every day, just quit smoking the year before, and never worked out.

Now a quick zip and we are back to the present, or future, or whatever! I am in pretty good shape, I actually like to run, and I really watch what I am using to fuel my body. (Even though cherry garcia is still the worlds most perfect food.) I have sacrificed laziness and sleeping in to get to where I am now physically, to say the least. The pain, sore muscles, strains, bunions, cold weather, hot weather, broken toes..... was it all worth it? I will let you know tomorrow afternoon.

Remembering why I am doing this

As my knees ache and I am tired and not looking forward to training, I have to remember why I am doing all of this in the first place. Put aside I am a girl and someone said I couldn't and this is why I want to be on the SWAT team.

I want to be part of an elite team. I want to be one of the best.
That is what draws me to SWAT, to really and sincerely belong to a team.
The types of calls handled are the most challenging they can be.
SWAT team members are almost always some of the most able personnel on every department and I want to learn and work with the best.
The training is top notch and ongoing and intense.

Im getting really nervous. Time to get psyched up, and not psyched out. Breathe, breathe, breathe....BLARGH!!! I am going to have to take up meditation or something to channel the nervous energy into that faster sprint and run time.

Playing the mental game

I have two more workouts before the SWAT tryout. Today wasnt too awful, but my coach wasnt there and I had to motivate myself. Thats not an easy task when no one is watching and no one knows how many push ups you just did or even cares really. To be honest, at this point I am as physically able as I can get. If I somehow dont succeed or dont pass, I know I really did my best.

Am I putting undue pressure on myself anyway? Maybe. I have told so many people I am trying out for the team that pretty much everyone knows. When I was first flopping on the ground unable to do a single push up or dangling with my legs in the air trying haplessly to drag my carcass up...just up a little it was easy to tell everyone I wanted to be on the SWAT team. It seemed unreal and far away, like trying to touch the moon from your bedroom window! Now, its 7 days away and very real. I think I am ready. I really do. Of course now everyone who knows I am trying out keeps asking and I tell them I am ready. I hope I am. There are rookies and females all over the department pulling for me. I know I dont represent them all and I didnt sign up to be a "trailblazer" but I'm kind of thrust into that position anyway.

I now play the mental game. I need to play over and over in my mind me passing this physical fitness test, breezing through it so when it comes it will seem I have done it a thousand plus times successfully anyway.

I can do it, yes I can! If I can't do it, no one can! Ha ha ha!

I am also thinking that if I get a pedicure and get my nails painted hot pink or fire red that will make me faster and stronger.

So; now I practice the last hope of the weak and weary... I pray for guidance and help from above. If I cant be faster and stronger, let me have a stronger ability to let go of disappointment and my failure. Or just let me be the bad ass babe I spout off that I am all the time and have all the boys eating my dust!!!! (Eating my dust with hot pink toenails!! )

I had a dream

I had a dream. No, this isnt some inspirational MLK post, I am not that clever. I really did have a dream. I dreamed it was the day of the physical fitness assessment for SWAT. I went to check in, they handed me a packet and said, be at the location listed on the packet at 2 PM. Dont be late. I was like, no problem! I was then hanging out with the other participants, talking and waiting for time. It was when I noticed the clock said ten till 2 I decided to go out to the track. Of course, when I got there and it was empty, I realized I just assumed the track was the location and I had no idea where I was really supposed to be! In this dream I was so panicked I couldnt even read where I was supposed to be at, so I ran through the entire training complex looking for everyone. I found them finally, but I was late and they wouldnt let me test. I begged, I pleaded, I was only 5 minutes late; but to no avail. I woke up pretty mad about it all, and wondered if this has become so all consuming I cant even have regular dreams of flying or Elvis!!!!

Lessons Learned

I think I figured something out. Its like when dieting, when you check that non-digital scale every single day to see if you are suddenly down or up in weight. It doesnt work. You can chart your progress weekly, right? Or monthly? Who hasnt felt that pang of panic when you suddenly realize theres an extra lb or two looming below your feet? It sure makes for a crappy day! I have deduced this must be whats going on with my training. I have a goal, of course, and its rough going. But I really need to focus on the bigger picture and not so much the "okay, today I only did 40 push ups and yesterday I did 42, oh no I'm slipping!". There is no possible way to get horrifically out of shape overnight. I did not get into shape over night and I cant get out of shape overnight. Yes, the workout will suffer if I down a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia (the most perfect food in the universe). But as long as I work out, I am okay. Today was another rough one, and my coach took it easy on me. At first it made me kind of mad, like hey mister if you dont push me whos going to! Then I realized I needed an easy workout for a change. It still counts as a workout. I still managed to stank up my workout clothes.

I have also been reading online about SWAT processes in different places, and wow, there really are very very few women on the teams. I read an article about LAPD "lowering" their standards to girls can get in, and oh how that pissed me off. Seriously. Royally. I personally think thats awful, I want to pass our process as is. The same as the stupid boys. (My mom said anything boys can do girls can do better!!) I am glad they arent lowering the standards. I'm not glad its so hard, but maybe its just as hard for everyone. I would hate for anyone to say I only passed because they lowered our standards. That would so suck!

After the encouragement and an easy workout day today, I should be back on my game soon.
23 days to go. How bad do I want it? Oh yeah, lookout boys...you may have to share your guns and ammo with a girl!!!!!

30 day count down

I got a stupid cold over Christmas. I was taking zinc and drinking OJ like it was going outta style but it didnt help, it just delayed it a bit. I knew I was in trouble when my hubby began the whole whining and coughing routine and I found random wadded up tissues all over the house. Crap. He had a cold and would hang all over me with his germ infested feverish body until he was certain I would catch it. Hes such a whiny baby when hes sick, I promise he didnt get out of bed all day. Then in the evening when I came home from work, he got up to lay on the couch and watch tv. For an hour. Then he went back to bed. All that sleeping all day made him exhausted. I know, I know, Im a total bitch and should never try to be a nurse. Florence Nightengale I'm not! So, no surprise to me I started getting sick on Christmas Eve day. Making cookies with the kids for Santa turned into me having a horrible headache and wanting to die. Of course I continued with my duties, I made dinner, wrapped presents, stuffed stockings. I even got up Christmas morning and made breakfast. All these things while having the same cold that made my man an invalid. The weaker sex, yeah right.

Now, being sick for three days I didnt work out. I tell myself I was sick, it was Christmas for pitys sake, I deserve this time off! Of course, today, I wish I would have just ran a little every day. What the hell, its just running right? I knew the workout would suck today. I just didnt realize how bad.

I take my SWAT physical agility test January 28th.... that is 30 days from today I need to be ready. So today I took a "mock" test, the same components to see where I am.

Required: (my scores)
1. Flexibility 16.6 inches (17)
2. Push ups 40 (42)
3. Sit ups 44 in one minute (44)
4. Pull ups 3 dead hang (4)
5. 1.5 mile run 12:18 (12:29)
6. 100 yd dash/dummy drag 28 seconds (33)
7. Stair climb 19 seconds (19.30)
8. Maze Crawl 78 seconds (85 seconds)
9 Bunker Lift 3 minutes support arm (3 minutes)

Now mind you numbers 6 through 9 are all while wearing SWAT tactical body armor with a 10 lb weight in the vest. Oh yes, 7-9 also have that plus the gas mask and a ballistic helmet. And that stupid dummy weighs at least 160-180 lbs. I sucked so bad today, I am really trying. I dont want to get to the 28th and say I didnt try hard enough. I need to get faster and stronger, and for the love of God I cant figure out how. Is there any way to make a 125 lb 5 foot 2" 37 year old woman able to do these things barring steriods???? Am I kidding myself and wasting my time trying??? I really want to know if I am trying harder than the guys who have to do this same test. Is it really not as hard for them? BAH!

Jeckyll and Hyde

Today was a really painful workout. I felt exhausted before I even started! Sit ups, leg lifts, pull ups four rounds to failure.....I tell you my body was rebelling! Then we went and ran the stairs in the bleachers. At first it was just twice around the gym, up and down, up and down, for a nice warm up. Then sprints. Blah. After seriously considering vomiting a few times, then we ran the bleachers seven times. Well after 5 or 6 it was barely considered running because going up the stairs took mega effort and running down took mega effort not to just tumble. Of course I really shouldnt complain because I am glad that I got the workout done early so I can go home and crochet some blankets. Sounds hilarious doesnt it? I was working late nights and one of my co workers saw me crocheting away at a baby blanket when he said "SWAT don't knit". I was super happy to tell him that was fine, because this was crochet and I was just making gun cozys for the M-16's. I sometimes wonder if I am the only person that has two very different sides to them that really shouldnt co-exist but they do. I mean, okay, obviously I'm a cop, I like to work out, shoot guns, not to mention ground fighting and any other combatives. But I also really like to bake pies and cookies and any sweets and crochet blankets. I like watching old sappy movies and snuggling up on the couch almost as much as I like going to shoot simunition rounds at recruits on scenario days. I also like being a mom, and manage to do laundry and cook and clean. (Notice there was no "like" part about the cooking and cleaning...ha ha). Am I the only Jeckyll and Hyde out there? Or maybe everyone else just is better at hiding their secret alter ego.

The real difference between men and women

I have been really working myself as hard as I can lately, trying to get ready for this SWAT physical fitness assessment. I have all the standards posted in my office and locker room to remind me of what I need to be capable of. 44 situps in a minute. Doesn't sound like a lot until you are at about 40 and want to crap your pants. 40 push ups, no time limit. Okay so it really took some doing, but at this point I am there and can crank 'em out...I can even get 41 on a good day! Three dead hang pull ups....now that was the tough one...actually thats how I found blogger dot com, researching pull ups equalling hell!!! (Oh thank you cranky for that post, it really helped!!!) Got it, I am totally at five good pull ups. Well four and seven eighths my chin is just below where it should be. Mile and a half run in 12:18 or under....got it, its rough but I can do it just under 12:00. Sprint 100 yards and drag a 160lb dummy with a weighted vest on in 28 seconds.....got it. Climb 6 flights of stairs in 19 seconds (with said weighted vest, helmet, and gas mask) thats a tough one but got it too. After climbing the stairs without removing any equipment, then you crawl on hands and knees through a blacked out maze and have a luxurious 78 seconds to find your way out! From here you run to the top of the fire tower (another two flights up) and just hold a 40 lb shield with your non dominant hand for 3 minutes without resting the shield on your body or dropping it below eye level. Okay so all this is a lot right? Well its definately been hell on my body to try to get to this level to have a chance. Which, now I really do think I have a chance! I am now feeling so proud and confident, I feel like Arnold back in the day, I'm here to pump you up!!! Of course did I mention I'm 5'2" and 125 lbs and pushing 40? What the hell was I thinking???

Considering how proud I am and after a really strenuous workout today, my workout partner (whos a guy) and I went to have lunch. All of these things mentioned above seem to come so easily and naturally to him. Practicing sprints today (in the gym because its horrible outside) it was all I could do to not let him get too far ahead of me. He can do more pushups, situps, pull ups, you name it hes stronger and faster. Dammit! So sitting across the table scarfing down my grilled chicken salad like it was trying to escape (yeah, he so was eating a burger) I realized how much I hate evolution. I could taste the rosemary and spices on the chicken, smell the rain in the air outside, and even hear the quiet conversation at the table next door. My neanderthal lunch mate of course couldnt hear a thing, and when I mentioned the strong rosemary taste on the chicken looked puzzled. Whats my point? Evolution is unfair. I realize sometime back in the cave I had to be fatter with better senses to protect the young'uns through times of starvation and be able to hear those babies crying in the night. Thats why I can smell what my husband had for lunch that day when he kisses me and have to sleep with ear plugs in. Where as my male counterparts just got physically able to be stronger and faster. They can sleep through an alarm clock, and suffer through horrible smells. (Evidence of this: my husband and sons having "fart wars" during the game.) At one point I had really been struggling trying just to get one pull up... just one... it was seven weeks in and my lats and shoulders were on fire...when my unhealthy smoker of a 200 lb husband easily cranks about six out with ease, telling me maybe I just need to pull harder. Bastard.

So thanks evolution for giving me the ability to smell sour milk, hear my kids restlessness when they dont want to go to sleep, and taste every bit of that chalky "lean body" chocolate meal replacement. Then there is the ever present craving for sweets. Heck lets not forget the biggest wonder of being a woman, I can totally bleed for a week without dying! (Of course this comes with crankyness, bloating, and cramps, but whatever.) Where as evolution has given men the ability to be stronger and faster, and not to mention they are considered the leaders of society to protect us poor weak girls. Oh yeah, thanks evolution, thats totally fair.