Last chance workout

Halfway through the last workout before the test. Getting suited up to go outside and run amok. Leaving it all on the track today. If I am not ready by now, I will never be.

Wish me luck!

Remembering why I am doing this

As my knees ache and I am tired and not looking forward to training, I have to remember why I am doing all of this in the first place. Put aside I am a girl and someone said I couldn't and this is why I want to be on the SWAT team.

I want to be part of an elite team. I want to be one of the best.
That is what draws me to SWAT, to really and sincerely belong to a team.
The types of calls handled are the most challenging they can be.
SWAT team members are almost always some of the most able personnel on every department and I want to learn and work with the best.
The training is top notch and ongoing and intense.

Im getting really nervous. Time to get psyched up, and not psyched out. Breathe, breathe, breathe....BLARGH!!! I am going to have to take up meditation or something to channel the nervous energy into that faster sprint and run time.

Playing the mental game

I have two more workouts before the SWAT tryout. Today wasnt too awful, but my coach wasnt there and I had to motivate myself. Thats not an easy task when no one is watching and no one knows how many push ups you just did or even cares really. To be honest, at this point I am as physically able as I can get. If I somehow dont succeed or dont pass, I know I really did my best.

Am I putting undue pressure on myself anyway? Maybe. I have told so many people I am trying out for the team that pretty much everyone knows. When I was first flopping on the ground unable to do a single push up or dangling with my legs in the air trying haplessly to drag my carcass up...just up a little it was easy to tell everyone I wanted to be on the SWAT team. It seemed unreal and far away, like trying to touch the moon from your bedroom window! Now, its 7 days away and very real. I think I am ready. I really do. Of course now everyone who knows I am trying out keeps asking and I tell them I am ready. I hope I am. There are rookies and females all over the department pulling for me. I know I dont represent them all and I didnt sign up to be a "trailblazer" but I'm kind of thrust into that position anyway.

I now play the mental game. I need to play over and over in my mind me passing this physical fitness test, breezing through it so when it comes it will seem I have done it a thousand plus times successfully anyway.

I can do it, yes I can! If I can't do it, no one can! Ha ha ha!

I am also thinking that if I get a pedicure and get my nails painted hot pink or fire red that will make me faster and stronger.

So; now I practice the last hope of the weak and weary... I pray for guidance and help from above. If I cant be faster and stronger, let me have a stronger ability to let go of disappointment and my failure. Or just let me be the bad ass babe I spout off that I am all the time and have all the boys eating my dust!!!! (Eating my dust with hot pink toenails!! )

I had a dream

I had a dream. No, this isnt some inspirational MLK post, I am not that clever. I really did have a dream. I dreamed it was the day of the physical fitness assessment for SWAT. I went to check in, they handed me a packet and said, be at the location listed on the packet at 2 PM. Dont be late. I was like, no problem! I was then hanging out with the other participants, talking and waiting for time. It was when I noticed the clock said ten till 2 I decided to go out to the track. Of course, when I got there and it was empty, I realized I just assumed the track was the location and I had no idea where I was really supposed to be! In this dream I was so panicked I couldnt even read where I was supposed to be at, so I ran through the entire training complex looking for everyone. I found them finally, but I was late and they wouldnt let me test. I begged, I pleaded, I was only 5 minutes late; but to no avail. I woke up pretty mad about it all, and wondered if this has become so all consuming I cant even have regular dreams of flying or Elvis!!!!

Nine days and a rant

Nine short days until the PFT. At this point, I can only continue my workouts and work on my mental fitness for the day. I need to be sure I am psyched up enough to complete it all without messing up somewhere, dropping the dummy or breaking the seal on my mask. Maybe I should take up meditation. To be honest, when I start thinking about it, my stomach kind of feels like I ate some tainted little debbie peanut butter.

Now I shall have a super whine fest and complain about the random things that arent fair.

Kettle bells are not fair. They dont realize how hard they are on your grip strength and how the 52 lb bell looks just like the 32 lb-er. They also dont realize my form sucks so bad and now my back is killing me! Stupid kettle bell.

Being a woman is unfair. Yes, yes, I have complained about this before, but its not just about the random upper body strength issues this time around. Now I hate the fact that I am bleeding like a freaking animal slaughter. Thank God my back hurts so bad from bad kettle bell form, it kind of evens out the cramps in the front!

Fashion is unfair. I went to buy something cute Friday afternoon. (I had a date with my BFF to go to the Elvis birthday tribute show, SUPER awesome!!!). I picked up several cute looking long sleeve blouses, shirts, tee-shirts. I am generally a small. Well, I used to be a small until I started working out. Now I'm a medium. Or at least I was. I tried on five different shirts and my upper arms wouldn't squeeze into the sleeve! So try on a large right? Yeah, well the large was fitting in the bicep and huge everywhere else. No wonder athletes wear stretchy sweatshirts and tees! I got so discouraged I gave up trying to find a shirt. Moving on to pants. Well lets say jeans, skinny jeans. I could have probably squeezed myself into a 7 skinny jean, but my thighs were uncomfortable. Not to mention that I think it looked almost pornographic the way my butt looked!!! So a size nine skinny jean, with a belt to keep from the universe from seeing my panties. Am I wearing these things wrong? I mean, why dont clothes fit anymore? They make specialty stores for plus size girls, big and tall men, children.... can they not make stores that sell "athletic" cuts of clothes? If you work out at all and want to get super depressed, go try on a dress shirt at Hollister. (Hollister, we pretend we can surf but really we cater to the waif like 13 year olds~which in the midwest seriously dont exist!!!)

Whew, feeling much better all that is off my chest. Now maybe I can lay my head down on my desk for a minute before the boss catches me! HA!