The Zone

Okay, I hate diets. Well, thats not really fair because I really havent ever been on a "real" diet plan, I always have tailored them to the way I thought in my mind they should be. I am pretty fit and exercise pretty hardcore at least 5 days a week, so I don't need a regular "diet to loose weight". I would, however like a nutrition plan or diet plan of some kind I can follow to really increase my athletic performance. After a grueling crossfit workout called "three buckets of puke" (of which I never puked, but thought I really could if provoked) I was happy to whine to anyone within ear shot about the whole diet situation. I should have kept my mouth shut.

Of course I was introduced to the "zone" diet plan for athletes. It seems like a lot of measuring and prepping, the meals are small but you eat a lot of times during the day. Oh yes, the part that really sold me was the 1/4 cup of ice cream you can have as one of your carbs. Are you kidding me? One (of the many) hard parts is figuring out how many blocks a day I get. It has different body types and I have to guess which one I am. I really have no idea about body image or any of that, so I am clueless. I want to say small female, but there is also medium and large female and then female athlete (also described as well muscled female). What does that mean? I mean, yeah I have some muscles. Im pretty buff. Of course, I also have girl squishy parts and have more of a 2 liter than a six pack....so what the??? Of course most people quit after a few weeks, because its hard to follow. At this point, though, I am willing to sacrifice to get stronger and leaner. I have been promised outstanding strength and performance!!!!

We shall see. I am starting monday. (Its gonna take the weekend to go shopping for the scale and food!) If this in any way hinders my workout regime though, I am so dumping it!

Random post

New class starts monday, that means long 10 hour days (for them) and 12 hour days for me. On top of that training for SWAT. I hope I survive. I hope I pass. For pitys sake, I hope I get over being obsessed about it for a minute. I need to stop letting it consume me. Maybe for five minutes I can pretend I'm not neurotic...

By the way, every lap and rep that hurts and makes me want to hurl, I curse you cupcakes and cookies. You bastards. Why are you so delicious?

Quick note to my cats....Millie and Smokey, I appreciate your work over the last two days. I take back the envious thoughts while getting ready to go outside in 20 degree cold and watching you curled up in a black fuzzy ball on the couch. You guys really do rule. Even though your love is sometimes pointy and smells of catfood. By the way, you really can stop leaving dead mice on the kitty scratching tower. I get it. Gift for the family and all that, but do you really have to chew their faces off first?

The real difference between men and women

I have been really working myself as hard as I can lately, trying to get ready for this SWAT physical fitness assessment. I have all the standards posted in my office and locker room to remind me of what I need to be capable of. 44 situps in a minute. Doesn't sound like a lot until you are at about 40 and want to crap your pants. 40 push ups, no time limit. Okay so it really took some doing, but at this point I am there and can crank 'em out...I can even get 41 on a good day! Three dead hang pull ups....now that was the tough one...actually thats how I found blogger dot com, researching pull ups equalling hell!!! (Oh thank you cranky for that post, it really helped!!!) Got it, I am totally at five good pull ups. Well four and seven eighths my chin is just below where it should be. Mile and a half run in 12:18 or under....got it, its rough but I can do it just under 12:00. Sprint 100 yards and drag a 160lb dummy with a weighted vest on in 28 seconds.....got it. Climb 6 flights of stairs in 19 seconds (with said weighted vest, helmet, and gas mask) thats a tough one but got it too. After climbing the stairs without removing any equipment, then you crawl on hands and knees through a blacked out maze and have a luxurious 78 seconds to find your way out! From here you run to the top of the fire tower (another two flights up) and just hold a 40 lb shield with your non dominant hand for 3 minutes without resting the shield on your body or dropping it below eye level. Okay so all this is a lot right? Well its definately been hell on my body to try to get to this level to have a chance. Which, now I really do think I have a chance! I am now feeling so proud and confident, I feel like Arnold back in the day, I'm here to pump you up!!! Of course did I mention I'm 5'2" and 125 lbs and pushing 40? What the hell was I thinking???

Considering how proud I am and after a really strenuous workout today, my workout partner (whos a guy) and I went to have lunch. All of these things mentioned above seem to come so easily and naturally to him. Practicing sprints today (in the gym because its horrible outside) it was all I could do to not let him get too far ahead of me. He can do more pushups, situps, pull ups, you name it hes stronger and faster. Dammit! So sitting across the table scarfing down my grilled chicken salad like it was trying to escape (yeah, he so was eating a burger) I realized how much I hate evolution. I could taste the rosemary and spices on the chicken, smell the rain in the air outside, and even hear the quiet conversation at the table next door. My neanderthal lunch mate of course couldnt hear a thing, and when I mentioned the strong rosemary taste on the chicken looked puzzled. Whats my point? Evolution is unfair. I realize sometime back in the cave I had to be fatter with better senses to protect the young'uns through times of starvation and be able to hear those babies crying in the night. Thats why I can smell what my husband had for lunch that day when he kisses me and have to sleep with ear plugs in. Where as my male counterparts just got physically able to be stronger and faster. They can sleep through an alarm clock, and suffer through horrible smells. (Evidence of this: my husband and sons having "fart wars" during the game.) At one point I had really been struggling trying just to get one pull up... just one... it was seven weeks in and my lats and shoulders were on fire...when my unhealthy smoker of a 200 lb husband easily cranks about six out with ease, telling me maybe I just need to pull harder. Bastard.

So thanks evolution for giving me the ability to smell sour milk, hear my kids restlessness when they dont want to go to sleep, and taste every bit of that chalky "lean body" chocolate meal replacement. Then there is the ever present craving for sweets. Heck lets not forget the biggest wonder of being a woman, I can totally bleed for a week without dying! (Of course this comes with crankyness, bloating, and cramps, but whatever.) Where as evolution has given men the ability to be stronger and faster, and not to mention they are considered the leaders of society to protect us poor weak girls. Oh yeah, thanks evolution, thats totally fair.

Holidays suck

I hate Christmas. I am not really sure when this happened and I became a Grinch but I sure hate it now. I am quite positive at some point I was a happy little child with bright eyes and wonder on Christmas morning. Now I am a groggy 37 year old shuffling through the house in a freaking housecoat fumbling for the coffee pot. Maybe its the pressure of getting the right gifts. I know, I know, save the lecture about how its about something totally different or religious or about the thought that counts. If you have ever seen actual disappointment on the faces of your children because you couldn't afford to get them what they really wanted or that fake "yes its been a good christmas mom" when they hardly had any gifts at all it might sour you to the holiday as well. Now, dont get me wrong, my kids arent spoiled and don't expect anything, but they secretly have the wish that for once mom will find some money somewhere or surprise them. I am sick of not being able to at least get them one thing on their lists. They dont ask for cars or computers or anything, but since everything costs so much now they might as well. Okay, so the gifts aside, maybe thats not why I hate it. Maybe its the family pressure. Yes, you have to get up and get going on what is generally a cold miserable day. Then you have to make the jolly holiday rounds with a bunch of people you rarely see (who might not be expecting gifts for their kids from you, but they certainly got your kids something...oh guilt!). Not to mention I am always introduced by my occupation, someone always has some comment to make, and someone always wants to talk to me about diet and exercise while I cram food down my gullet. I dont need self control to diet over the holidays, I always have some well wishing fool watching every bite I eat. (Oh yes, I can eat pie sometimes too!!! Thats right?!!! Its the holidays, dont you dare tell me Ill get fat!!! AAAAAAAH) Or maybe its just the fact that everyone everwhere says "Have a merry Christmas" or something to that effect. Stop telling me how to live!!!! Okay so seriously, I may have exaggerated a little bit but I still cant help but hate the holidays.