29 days and counting

Todays exercise results:

Push ups 40 (42)
One minute sit ups 44 (46)
Dead Hang pull ups 3 (5)
1.5 mile run 12:18 (12:09)
100 yd dash/dummy drag 28 seconds (31.33)
Stair climb 19 seconds (18.3)
Bunker Lift 3 minutes (3)

My results today are better than yesterday, with only one event failed. The stupid dummy drag. Also, you may notice the absence of the maze crawl. Due to no gloves, knee pads, and watery coldness, I decided to bypass it today. Tomorrow is New Years eve. I wont be doing this workout, but I will be doing some walking lunges with the weighted tactical vest on while watching the twilight zone marathon. Super fun.

30 day count down

I got a stupid cold over Christmas. I was taking zinc and drinking OJ like it was going outta style but it didnt help, it just delayed it a bit. I knew I was in trouble when my hubby began the whole whining and coughing routine and I found random wadded up tissues all over the house. Crap. He had a cold and would hang all over me with his germ infested feverish body until he was certain I would catch it. Hes such a whiny baby when hes sick, I promise he didnt get out of bed all day. Then in the evening when I came home from work, he got up to lay on the couch and watch tv. For an hour. Then he went back to bed. All that sleeping all day made him exhausted. I know, I know, Im a total bitch and should never try to be a nurse. Florence Nightengale I'm not! So, no surprise to me I started getting sick on Christmas Eve day. Making cookies with the kids for Santa turned into me having a horrible headache and wanting to die. Of course I continued with my duties, I made dinner, wrapped presents, stuffed stockings. I even got up Christmas morning and made breakfast. All these things while having the same cold that made my man an invalid. The weaker sex, yeah right.

Now, being sick for three days I didnt work out. I tell myself I was sick, it was Christmas for pitys sake, I deserve this time off! Of course, today, I wish I would have just ran a little every day. What the hell, its just running right? I knew the workout would suck today. I just didnt realize how bad.

I take my SWAT physical agility test January 28th.... that is 30 days from today I need to be ready. So today I took a "mock" test, the same components to see where I am.

Required: (my scores)
1. Flexibility 16.6 inches (17)
2. Push ups 40 (42)
3. Sit ups 44 in one minute (44)
4. Pull ups 3 dead hang (4)
5. 1.5 mile run 12:18 (12:29)
6. 100 yd dash/dummy drag 28 seconds (33)
7. Stair climb 19 seconds (19.30)
8. Maze Crawl 78 seconds (85 seconds)
9 Bunker Lift 3 minutes support arm (3 minutes)

Now mind you numbers 6 through 9 are all while wearing SWAT tactical body armor with a 10 lb weight in the vest. Oh yes, 7-9 also have that plus the gas mask and a ballistic helmet. And that stupid dummy weighs at least 160-180 lbs. I sucked so bad today, I am really trying. I dont want to get to the 28th and say I didnt try hard enough. I need to get faster and stronger, and for the love of God I cant figure out how. Is there any way to make a 125 lb 5 foot 2" 37 year old woman able to do these things barring steriods???? Am I kidding myself and wasting my time trying??? I really want to know if I am trying harder than the guys who have to do this same test. Is it really not as hard for them? BAH!

Christmas, Mom, and my anniversary

Its almost Christmas. Again. Didn't we just have one of these last year? I wish I could get into the holiday spirit, but I just can't seem to find it. Oh yeah, my mom is coming into town. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but she really stresses me out. Doesn't every family have the "not good enough" kid? Or I am maybe just psycho and channeling some wierd middle child attention seeking thing? I dunno. Of course, maybe now mom will see my pimples cleared up and my hair shiny (I'll slather it with freaking crisco if I have to!!!) and she will have no further commentary on my appearance. Can't she just say how awesome it is that I am healthy and she can see how hard I am working out to better myself? Why does it even matter to me anymore? Seriously, I am supposed to be a grown up now, for pitys sake im almost 40! My sister has promised me plenty of encouragement in the form of rum drinks to be able to stand being around mom for any length of time, so it shouldn't be so bad. (Good thing she lives out of state or I would truly be a raging alcoholic!!!)

Today is also my 18th wedding anniversary. I have officially been married to my husband for a longer period of time than I spent single. Its a miracle. Its not been easy, no. At one point or another either one of us probably would have happily smothered the other to death with a pillow. But we still carry on! With the divorce rate itself, its a miracle, but add into that the divorce rate among cops and we should be on freaking Oprah! HA! (Okay maybe more like Springer...the title something like "SWAT police girl pokes unemployed housepainter hubby with crochet needles"...sounds kinky dont it? Ha ha ha!!!)

Zeno

Okay so if you read the last blog, I mentioned the fact that I was broken out with pimples (and had dry hair, thanks mom). Well I also happen to be a girl who has tried it all. I have bought hundred dollar creams, proactive off the infomercial, washing my face with lemons, you name it over the years I have tried it. Dotting my face nightly with stinky sulfur products after its slathered with benzoyl peroxide and salicilic acid. Well I seriously think I have found a real solution... Ever hear of Zeno? Its the electric zit zapper that I gave merely a passing glance in the store (very expensive). But after my last super fun excursion to Chicago to see mom, I got one. I figured at the drug store I could return it when it too didnt work. But for the love of God, it works. Seriously. No joke, no nothing. It promises less zits in 24-48 hrs and it works. I havent been pimple free in YEARS. I love zeno. I hate infomercials and product endorsements, but seriously I could announce from my squad car (over the super P.A. system) how awesome this is.

Who does Cooper think he is anyway?

Cooper fitness standards. Oh I have heard your standards spouted every time we have a hiring process and we have new hopeful faces in the crowd. Its a super easy standard, really! I mean, seriously if you listen its the standard health and fitness level of a 40 year old woman! Egad! Not that, a 40 year old woman? That just brings up visuals of bon bon eating couch potato Oprah watching masses doesnt it? And I admit, some of the standards we require seem pretty easy. First standard, you have to jump 13 inches vertically. Not too bad, we usually dont loose anyone at this point of the test. Maybe one or two people who just (face it) arent coordinated enough to jump and swing their arm to tap the vertec. Then comes the one minute sit ups. The standard entry here is 26. Doesnt seem too rough does it? Well we are good for loosing about 3-8 applicants here. Either they are afraid of the Mexican food slipping out if they try too hard or they really aren't ready. (As far as the Mexican food goes, yeah there have been "rippers" during the test....its a natural bodily function people! Stop laughing! Yeah, that includes me...) Now comes the 300 meter sprint. You have 87 seconds. Thats almost a minute and a half. No one usually sucks too bad at this, we have some close calls but few failures. OOh now comes the next test, the one all girls fear....yes its the push ups. You have to get 21 push ups. No time limit. Come on, seriously, you knew you wanted this job and you knew you had to do push ups. Tell me you have been practicing and working out. Liars. Dont look at me and ask if you can have a "do over" if you only get 7. The standard is 21, and if you couldnt get that many the first try, what really makes you think you can do it after a five minute break? This is where we usually loose the girls. Or we get the girls who squeak by, struggling and gasping. (Im not judging, I know its hard ladies, but do you want the job or not???) Now on to the final component...the mile and a half run. Now this so called "run" needs to be completed in 18:56. Thats right, eighteen minutes and fifty six seconds. Forever. If you walk, you wont make it. Of course, if you sort of walk/jog and cry and whine, chances are you make it. Sometimes we get to call EMS on this one. Its pretty awesome when people hyperventilate or start barfing when they are almost done! Now if you have passed all of these, even the squeakers, you come upstairs and get the lecture about nutrition and exercise. This is where the bombs are dropped by my (male) Sergeant...if you think this is hard, this entry standard is the level of a 40 year old woman!!! *in my mind the next thing he says is you ought to be ashamed* You will be expected to do much better if you want to pass this academy!!! Blah blah blah, talk talk. Then he goes on about how these are the Cooper standards, more blah, how they should be much harder. My favorite part is when he said they didnt need any 5 foot 2 inch 115 lb people on this department! The difficulty to restrain my laughter is nearly unbearable, since when I got hired to be a cop I maybe weighed 100 lbs at 5"2"!!! Ha! All this being said, who the hell does he think he is right? For that matter, who the hell does Cooper think he is too? Isnt eating (mostly) healthy food and exercising (mostly) every day enough? So I have a little flab, big f'n deal right? Now I start to panic and over exercise and stress about any morsel nearing my face! I want to be good enough!

I figure its like this, I need to not panic and be forced into an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise again. (Thats right, mean girls, you can no longer tease me until I have an eating disorder!!!) Its like going to visit my mom, and within the first ten minutes she mentions the fact that my face is broken out and my hair looks dry. I shrug it off while buying proactive and smearing avacado in my hair. I hate being subjected to any of it. I hope I am getting stronger by recognizing it doesnt matter and just doing what makes me feel healthy and strong.